Things are getting pretty serious between James and me. I cleaned out three drawers and a bathroom cabinet for him to use. We’re buying a new bed together and cleaned out a closet to make room.

For his mom.

Truth is, we don’t know if or when she is moving in, or if or when she is just coming to stay for awhile. While we have been anticipating all these logistics, since Henry’s passing, it is now the reality and we are trying to navigate them in earnest.

The logistics raise so many questions and so many concerns and none have a perfect solution. His mom is still sharp as a tack, or as much as any 91 year old woman can be. She still lives in the home she shared with Henry for the past twenty some years. But the only relative close by is Henry’s son and while he’s willing and usually able to check in on her, that’s a difficult arrangement for her own children to feel comfortable with. She now has an emergency alert necklace, but this woman never slows down and is just stubborn enough to decide to do something “real quick” that may end up with a severe injury and no one to know for quite some time.

But the idea of moving her here or to assisted living just to ease our minds, while perhaps justifiable, doesn’t seem fair. She’d leave her town, her church, her doctor, her hairdresser – all things very important to her.

We aren’t sure of the “right” answer, or even if there is anything more than just a good compromise to be worked out. So, for now, James will continue to go up there as often as he can and spend time with her. And we will get our home ready to accommodate her for however long she comes to visit or stay. And we will do everything possible to balance worry with understanding, patience with concern, need with love. But most of all, I will be grateful for a husband who loves his mother dearly and who will do whatever needs to be done to make her remaining years the very best they can be. And I will be grateful that we have the means and the home to make any of this possible. So if it means swapping out our bedroom for the master so she can have more room and a more private bath area, so be it. If it means getting creative about how we share dresser and closet space, so be it. If it means that James and I will share a bathroom for the first time in nearly six year, so be it – I’ll even wash my toothpaste spit out of the sink each and every time. If it means doing all of this even if she only comes to visit briefly, so be it. We both know how loved we are by our parents and how much they have influenced the people we have become. They raised us to do the right thing, whatever that may end up being.

We have been blessed by loving families. We hope to continue to bless our families in any little way that we can.