I’ve heard it more than once, and mostly from my sister. She’s quick to admit I might be “book smart”, but will remind me from time to time that my common sense leaves something to be desired. I haven’t always agreed with that assessment, but the older I get the more I see it. This morning I was at my worst and I drove to work berating myself and feeling more frustrated than ever at how genuinely inept I felt.

I’d like to blame it on the power being out, but that was really just the catalyst that set it all in motion. In fact, when the power first went out, I was so proud of myself for NOT walking into the bathroom and flipping the light switch that I actually came out and proclaimed to my beloved husband that see? I can actually function reasonably well during a storm. My jubilation did not last long, but the fact that I surprised myself by that small success should have been an indication that these moments are not my strong suit.

This morning showed my true colors. Not only did I try to turn on multiple light switches (some of which are hooked up to the generator, but many were not), but I also put a shirt in the dryer to fluff out the wrinkles before remembering it would not run. When I texted James to ask if I should disconnect the generator before I left for work he jokingly included in his response to be sure I pulled my Jeep out before turning off the generator. What did I do? I put the door up and thought that was the entire hurdle, then turned off and disconnected the generator and turned around to realize my sheer stupidity. My Jeep was still IN the garage and the door would still need to go DOWN, but now it would have to be done manually as I had just turned off all power to the garage door opener. I was beside myself with frustration.

I calmed down by the time I reached school, and I realized that while I might be so angry and upset and frustrated, it wasn’t that I did any of this on purpose. “Having no common sense” is never a compliment, but it isn’t something I can control. I am just really bad at logistics. I can’t seem to think through from this step to the next to the next very well.

James and I talked about this when I got home and he reassured me that I was wrong when I said he married a dingbat. He never sees me that way, it would seem. But as I explained how I felt and that I can see how I can have these amazing ideas (especially for lessons I want to teach at school) but when I try to put them into action, I’m always off on the timing or it takes me four times as long to get all the materials together because I can’t think about the process logically, he understood my frustration even if he didn’t agree with my label. I can be clear about what I want to accomplish, but really foggy about how I get there. My sister, who operates in a much more rational and less emotional zone like my dad, is really great at planning and organizing things that require lots of prep, materials or steps. The thing referred to as “common sense” but which fails to be common at all for me.

The more I think about it (which has been a LOT today), the more I realize that I’ve always internalized this trait as an insult and something to be embarrassed by. But today, as I looked around my classroom, I realized it’s just one more different way that some of us operate in this world. I don’t have ADD or ADHD or any of the other dozen acronyms that appear on my rosters next to student names, but I do have this that I contend with daily. It’s something I need to start looking at from a different perspective. Maybe if I weren’t so dingy, I also wouldn’t be so creative. Maybe if I could handle the minute details of an itinerary or the logistics of a multi-step plan, or even if I could run errands in a gas-saving order, maybe then I wouldn’t have some of my other, more admirable traits. I don’t know.

All I know, is that during my self-loathing tirade of a drive, I actually did a U-turn to take this picture. It isn’t a great picture by any stretch, but it caught my eye and I just loved the idea of the image even if it isn’t the perfect angle or the perfect moment. I think it’s the fog that makes this picture beautiful. I t might be stretching the analogy a bit too far, but I’m hoping that that’s true of me, too, that this foggy-for-details brain that I have is part of what makes me the beautiful creature that I am. For today, I’m going to consider it a little blessing. I might not function at all well during a power outage and I might create lesson plans that take too long to implement well or that I know how to teach, but I can’t write it down in sub plans well at all, but I wouldn’t trade my creative mind for a more logical one. It wouldn’t be me. And that is a little blessing I will hold onto dearly, especially the next time the lights go out.