We are supposed to be in Ann Arbor today. When the appointment date was shared with us, you looked at me, knowing the conflict, but I assured you then that spending our tenth anniversary in Ann Arbor was the best we could ask for. After all, that meant you’d be on your third immunotherapy treatment and even regardless of how you were feeling, it meant you were still here with me.

I haven’t been able to figure out how to spend this day. I can’t go back to where we met. I can’t go back to where we promised forever, sniffling through our vows with heavy colds. We laughed then at the “through sickness and in health” part. We laughed, then. I thought I might take your truck and drive the back roads like we often did, but I don’t know how to do that, either. I don’t know how to do any of this without you beside me. This world is grey, the light is gone without you. I know I cannot live in this sorrow forever, but to move forward is to go on without you and that is a reality I cannot face.

When we promised, “till death do us part,” I meant mine. I meant, mine.

The rain falling from the heavens above makes my heart wonder if you aren’t crying with me. Oh, how I miss you, Chief. Oh how I miss you.

Sometimes the road just ends
It changes everything you've been
And all that's left to be
Is empty, boken, lonely, hopin'
I'm supposed to be strong
I'm supposed to find a way to carry on

I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone

Cause I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place

I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive everyday
I will shoulder the blame
I'll shout out your name

I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye
I will not say goodbye
Will not say...

-Danny Gokey "I Will Not Say Goodbye"