just asked me (while he’s writing his NaNo story – he has 2,014 words to date!), “Hey Mom? How do you spell ‘ushin’?” I gave him that motherly blank stare that meant I’m going to need more to go on that just that. “You know,” he explained, “when two things happen simultaneously?”

Oooooohhhhh, you mean UNISON.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

This kid cracks.me.up.

(you can tell he’s a reader, can’t you? He actually does this quite often. He knows what the word looks like and what it means but he hasn’t heard it spoken enough to know how it’s pronounced. I’ll try to share these little gems when they come up as they often give me quite a good natured chuckle!)

No matter how good the class was last week, no matter how nice the women are, no matter the church is not two miles from the house, I am never excited about going to my Wednesday night Bible study. But every week, every single week, I am stopped dead and captivated by the speaker, no, not the speaker, by the message. We are doing a Beth Moore study called “Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spriti”. We are only on the third video and have started exploring the actual Fruit of the Spirit” (Gal 5:22-23, ” The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law.”)

Now I know, some of you are ready to stop reading. Hang with me. Just let it fall across your heart like it did mine tonight.

Tonight, in the video, Beth Moore discussed love and with that (and my paraphrasing will not begin to do her message justice) the one obstacle that prevents us from truly loving all and being loving to everyone and that is rejection. She reminded us all of the rejection scars we still wear on our hearts, how the wound of a past rejection left a void in our life that we filled with something (or some one) that we would not have chosen if we were in our right mind. She reminded us of the lengths some of us have gone through to fill that vacancy, or perhaps the continual chain of attempts we have made to fill such vacancies (i.e. the love of my life broke up with me, so I hooked up with some other man and ended up preganant; the man left when the baby came so I started drinking…) We tend to believe that we must either recover the rejected (get whatever it was back – the man, the job, the child) or we must reject what rejected us (to get revenge).

And while she spoke on all of this, she shared passages of Scripture that remind us that Christ was rejected (and still is! “The entrance test to hell is to simply reject Christ”) but that didn’t seem to make the wounds I carry feel any less. To know that in some way I can relate to some small portion of Christ’s sufferings does not make me feel any better about my own suffering.

But then Beth Moore reminded us of the Sovereignty of God; that not only does God have a plan for our lives (my life verse, Jer 29:11) but that he has a plan for the REJECTION in our life. He uses the rejection. Sometimes he appoints rejection so that we don’t for less than the best He has in store for us. (Think back, ever get upset over a rejection but now you can say that was a good thing it happened?) She reminded us also of the Supremacy of God; that God can handle everything – including our rejection.

She made the point that if we had never known what it was like to be rejected, how could we truly embrace what it means to be chosen?

We concluded the night by reading I Cor 13:8, “Love never fails”. Beth spoke to the exact thoughts arising in my head, “yes, maybe God’s love never fails, but I have loved someone before and it was not enough. My love has failed.”

And then she translated “fails”. The Greek translation (ekpipto) means: “to drop away, to fall (away or off). And there was an incredible visual scene they played out that shows us that every time we have loved and the recipient of our love let our love drop, or rejected our love completely, our love did not fail…it did not drop away…it never hit the ground….while it may not have been caught by the one we intended,

it was caught by God.

And He is holding onto it for us, and will give it back to us in His glorious kingdom.

Not only did I realize tonight that my wounds from past rejection will forever taint my life (and not in a good way) if I do not turn them over to God; not only did I realize that God has used those rejections for my own good; not only did I realize that God has the power and the desire to take away the pain of those wounds; but that every time I thought my love failed in the past, it went to God. He caught it. My love has never been lost on anyone, it has always gone to God. And He is holding it like a treasure and will return it to me when I am in His presence.

I can say little more tonight than an AMEN and a heartfelt Thank You God.

So a few weeks ago I mentioned to J (LM’s dad) that LM had this Friday off of school. I had thought we might go visit grandparents in Illinois, but J thought maybe he would come for a visit. Since I moved his boy 12 hours away, I thought it only fair that I give him first dibs. I offered the apartment (I would stay with my sis) and my car and anything else he needed for his weekend here. Didn’t hear another word. Until a week ago when LM’s grandpa called to ‘finalize the plans to get LM to Pittsburgh’. Um, wha? It would seem that J never actually looked into flying, just decided we could ALL spend 12 hours on the road (and $120 in gas) so he could see LM for three days. So I spent Thursday substitute teaching and then flew home to shove stuff in the car (including the dog) and drove 3 hours one way to meet up with the g’parents and exchange the boy. And then I drove 3 hours back home. And then I got up early to sub again on Friday. It’s a good thing I was subbing at George’s school and that he was so darn cute to see throughout the day (no, he wasn’t in the class I had) as it helped to keep me happy when I was otherwise tired and beat.

So I basically did little more than collapse on Friday night.

Other than try to check my email and check for sub assignments for this coming week. Only I couldn’t because LM TOOK THE WIRELESS CARD. Not that he needed it, he just forgot to leave it behind when he got into Nana’s car. So I can’t blog. I can’t check for sub jobs. I can’t balance the check book. I can’t email. I can’t change my fantasy team lineup.

Yesterday I actually sat down and wrote about 6000 words to get caught up on Nano. Even though LM took the notebook with my notes in it. (Have I mentioned his short life span?) And I made thank you notes for George’s birthday party (since I made the invites, I wanted him to have matching thank you’s). And I cleaned out the calcium and lime deposits in the dishwasher that have caused it to leave GUNK on all our dishes for the past two months.

And today I earned a jewel in my heavenly crown (at least I better have!) I did not stay home and watch the biggest game of the year (Pats v. Colts for those of you living in a cave). I drove to Ohio again to pick up my dearly beloved son. And I sat and had dinner with my out-laws at Bob Evans. And I drove home listening to Larry the Cable Guy (okay not really, but it sure sounded like him) announce the Pats v. Colts game on the radio. And I was a nervous wreck the whole time (and not just because I was afraid the car would break down in Indiana and no one would help me since I was wearing a Pats jersey) but because I needed about a million points from Brady and Moss to make up for my wretched defense choice (um, 44-0 is going to leave me with negative defense points. Thanks Denver.) But I’m so thrilled that the Pats pulled off the big win and that LM had a great weekend with his grandparents.

But I’m 8000 into Nano, my boy is home safe, my Pats are 9-0 and I have internet access once again so I can keep tabs on sub openings.

Life is indeed good.

NanoWriMo starts today. I participated last year (as many of you know) for the first time and really had fun with it. About six remarkably gluttonous people voluntarily read my first little novel (a children’s book) and the reviews were, well…non-existant. LM spent much of his time after reading it telling people that I wrote a children’s book but it was NOT ABOUT HIM. He wanted to make sure no one confused poor Charlie’s misadventures with something LM might have done. Ahem. So I didn’t submit it to any publisher. I didn’t even send it in to a local contest. I didn’t actually do anything with it other than stick it in my hope chest along with all the writings I did when I was seven.

So what on earth am I doing participating again this year? I have no idea. Do I expect to write anything worth reading? Nope. Do I expect to write anything I’d like to send off to a publisher? Nope. Do I anticipate even using my lame chapters as blog posts when I get desperate? Nope. But here I go again.

Did I mention that LM is participating too this year? So for the next 30 days there will be two of us frantically typing away, drinking gallons of lemonade, eating chips and pacing around the room. Great mom and son bonding, huh? 50,000 and counting. Here goes nothing (literally).

I’ve noticed that some people actually reach my blog through book searches. I thought perhaps it would be nice of me to link my reviews to my list of reads so I took the time to do that today. This is not to say that my reviews are golden and should be taken for gospel truth. In fact, I would love for someone to leave comments on posts where they disagree with my take on a novel! If you’ve read any of the books listed to the right, please feel free to leave your own comment, complaint or praise!

By the way, Into the Wild is coming out as a movie!! I really think it’ll be a good one, even if I do wait for the DVD version!

Any book recommendations you might make for me? Let me know! I’m on the prowl for something good!

This book does not even warrant a detailed critique in my book (no pun intended). I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t think the characters developed into anything, I didn’t think there was any plot to speak of, I didn’t think it had any sort of conflict or climax and therefore was lacking in resolution. It just kind of wandered along a meaningless path until it abruptly ended.

Not worth the time to even think about reading it.

I was introduced to Frank Peretti as an author back in college (thanks, Chris!) and LOVED his trilogy “This Present Darkness” and “Piercing the Darkness” and “Prophet”. Last Spring I happened upon his books again, including one I bought for LM (which he thoroughly enjoyed as I recall, but I can’t remember what book it was.) Recently, I stumbled across some novels he has written in collaboration with Ted Dekker and found two at my local library. I started with “House”.

Boy am I glad I didn’t spend money on this book.

It’s a simple salvation plot drowning in unremarkable dialogue and a never-ending and never-riveting chase. Peretti and Dekker stage this novel in a mysteriously haunted house. The characters are unwittingly lulled into the home and then trapped there against demons real, imagined, external and internal. The house continually shifts and changes creating an ongoing maze for the characters within. The novel takes so much time explaining the changes (which were difficult for me to visually imagine anyway, so I started skipping those parts). There were few characters if any that seemed worth redeeming so it was difficult to even wish for their salvation (I know, I’m cruel).

The book was written so simply it felt insulting to an adult reader and yet the plot was certainly not for a child. I had intended to pass the book along to LM when I finished but it was an easy decision not to when all was said and done.

If the authors are trying to captivate a non-Christian audience and demonstrate the gift of salvation through their plot I would suspect they turned a lot of readers off long before they could even get to it. If they are assuming a Christian audience, then the plot was so transparent as to not be the driving force behind reading, and yet the dialogue and character development was so weak it was hard to tough it out through the end.

All this is to say I’m remarkably disappointed. I brought home “Saint” by the same two authors but now I have little desire to open it. I suspect there are a lot of people who do enjoy these novels, as there are several written by these two, so perhaps they get better. I still highly recommend Peretti’s other novels, but would not suggest you add this one to your list.

I have fallen asleep on the couch to Joe Buck’s voice three nights this week but not tonight. Despite a cold (thanks, Kindergartners!) and a 5:30 alarm tomorrow, I’m not going to miss the final out of the 2007 World Series.

And just like that the Red Sox have won the Series!!

(Jenny, take a week or two off of laundry. You have my permission!)

I no longer own a home. Our apartment is tiny, crammed with furniture and belongings and smells a bit like cat pee (not our cat). I have no full-time job. I spend most days in someone else’s classroom learning the names of 24 students and doing my best to not only keep them in one piece but to educate them at least slightly during the time they are in my care. Our budget is tight, we don’t eat out and we know where to find hot dogs and mac n’ cheese on sale. I’ve had interviews but no job has really struck me as something I want to do for the next five years. I’ve had offers but after careful consideration, I’ve turned each one of them down.

And yet

I’ve never been so content. I’ve never felt such peace. I’ve never been quite so happy. I just feel content. I feel satisfied. I feel as though each and every day God will give me what I need and not more than I can handle. I am not anxious or worried or stressed.

Last week I sat down to calculate how many days I had subbed in the district and when that money will be in my pocket. The car needed two new tires badly and the brakes needed to be looked at. With the cold weather coming, I wanted to make sure we were safe on the roads. I was also looking ahead to Christmas and wanting to be sure I had a little extra for gifts for those that we love. On Friday an unexpected check arrived in the mail. It wasn’t a huge amount, but it paid for the new tires and a little extra for me to start thinking about Christmas gifts. It was exactly what I needed and nothing more.

The church we’ve been attending is huge and yet on Wednesday evenings, each and every week, someone I don’t know introduces themself to me and asks if there is any way they can help me while we get settled. On Sunday mornings now I am greeted by familiar faces and even a hug. This past Sunday my dad and second mom sat beside us in the pew, a special treat that means more than I can say.

I can look at the real estate in the area and know that one day in the not-so-distant future, we will have our pick of homes. We might have that fireplace we’ve always wanted, that garden out back, the sunroom for all my plants, a windowsill just perfect for Jonah.

I am looking into the requirements to convert my Illinois teaching certificate to a Michigan one, and I’m meeting with other school districts to perhaps find a comfortable home for subbing – maybe even secure something long term somewhere. I’m taking my time to follow my passions and my heart and I’m allowing God to lead me as I go.

I’m not sure why it ever took me so long to just let go and let God. But I’m ever so glad I did for I am truly blessed.

Amy and Jacob Fall 2007

My dad will tell you I’m a bit stubborn and usually refuse when they try to help with travelling expenses or to buy me something for our home. This visit, however, when my dad offered to fill a void in our new Michigan lives, I readily welcomed the gift and thanked him profusely.

You just don’t know how much you miss it until you don’t have it.

Welcome our new microwave. More than ten weeks without popcorn is long enough. No more broken glass bowls on the stove because we tried to heat up a cup of sauce on the burner. No more setting LM’s watch alarm to know when the next batch of cookies should come out of the oven. No more heating up the entire oven just to re-heat a pork chop. And did I mention the popcorn? Ahhh, now, this is the life!

Thanks Dad and Judy!!