On Friday afternoon, I received an email from LM’s teacher. Mrs. B. wanted to know if it would be okay if LM brought home some “specimen” they had been looking at in science class with their microscopes. Knowing how excited LM had been about the volvox arriving in his classroom earlier in the week, I knew he would be estatic to bring the little single-celled organisms home to view on his own and granted permission without hesitation.

LM arrived home with a tiny little vial with little green specs inside and proclaimed himself the proud owner of approximately 400 new ‘pets’. He carried the vial around with him from room to room, looking at it under the lights, tipping it this way and that to see the little green dots swimming around. There was no need for the gifts I had placed under the tree, he was already over the moon with this gift from his teacher.

As Sunday night bedtime rolled around, LM came out of his room fighting back tears. I pulled him next to me on the couch and asked what was the matter. “I’m afraid the volvox are dying” he sobbed. He thought the house might be too cold, or maybe they weren’t getting enough sunlight, but he was certain they shouldn’t be at the bottom of the vial like they were. We moved the vial under a lamp on his dresser and we googled “how to care for volvox” to find the appropriate temperature (although I did stress I wasn’t raising the thermostat for 400 micro-organisms.) I suggested he ask his teacher tomorrow if she knew how to care for them. He said he hoped tomorrow was the last day they were looking at the volvox in science because Mrs. B. had said he could bring more home if no one else in his class wanted them. He was hoping to bring home another vial of tiny green dots.

I tucked him in and kissed him goodnight and checked on the tiny vial under his reading lamp. These 400 micro-organisms don’t even have a brain or a heart to know how much this little ten year old boy loves them.

Little Bird called me yesterday. “Aunt Fred! Aunt Fred!! I got my ears pierced!! And it only hurt for a second!!”

I knew she was getting her ears pierced, it had been one of her birthday gifts for her 10th birthday. I had spoken with her about it while we were on the cruise and I knew she was looking forward to it when she got back home.

What I wasn’t prepare for were the tears. Of mine. I sat in my car and sobbed. Because I miss her. Because I should have been there. Because my Little Bird, my favorite and only niece is growing up while I am far, far away. I do not want to miss these moments. I want to be in Michigan.

I’ve been giving thought to the idea of the “six word memoir”, perhaps too much thought. I’m finding it difficult to determine what I think defines my life. Certainly I was married and then divorced, but does that define my life? Perhaps in some regard, yes. In others, I hope not. If so, can I aptly convey my divorce as a positive thing? Certainly being a mother plays a significant role (one would hope) in defining who you are, but shouldn’t be limiting. This is tricky.

In some ways, I feel as though my memoir might read:

“Jerry Springer called. I hung up.”

In others, I feel it might read:

“Liberated by divorce; graced with child.”

Perhaps:

“Saved by God, more than once.”

Or:

“Opened husband’s closet. Single is better.”

Or:

“If I didn’t laugh, I’d cry.”

Or perhaps what I’d like it to read:

“Life gave artichokes. I made lemonade.”

I was sicker than a dog yesterday. Only because I had promised, and because LM was convinced all the good Christmas trees were taken while we were on the cruise did I venture out at all into the world yesterday. By 9 pm, with Monday Night Football on in the background, I collapsed from exhaustion on the couch, falling into a sleep deeper than I had slept in months.

I woke at 12:30am in a panic. Where was LM? Who put him to bed? Was he okay? Was the house locked? Were the lights off? I saw a note on the coffee table, next to my sleepy head that read:

“Goodnight, Mom. I’m in bed and have: brushed, gargeld, clearasilled and anything else. LM. P.S. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOO”

This morning, when I apologized profusely for falling so dead asleep, LM said, “it’s okay, Mom, you weren’t feeling well. I saw the time on the clock and so I shut off my game and got ready for bed. I didn’t want you to worry.”

Oh how I love this child. With every ounce that is in me, I love him. But for the grace of God, and in spite of my parenting, sometimes children exceed all the hopes we could ever have for them. Oh how I love this child of mine.

(There are actually two children that do not belong to our family getting their picture taken with Mickey and Pluto at this moment, but since our kids were too scared, this was the shot I got!)

My dad and step mom who made the cruise possible. Thanks so much to you both! What a wonderful time with all our family (well, minus one!)

This was our boat as we approached the harbor.

Luckily, this was not our boat.

My favorite moments from the cruise were spent watching the sun rise over the ocean every morning at 6am.

My brother G, wistfully missing his new girlfriend.
Or was he puking over the edge? Hmm…hard to tell…

Swimming was the second best part of the cruise for LM.

We had to travel into international waters for my family to play ping pong. (In the background, you can see my dad playing my brother G, in the foreground is my sister and George playing against an unseen Bear.)

There was a beer tasting. I was there as the Designated Walker – My stepsister, Bear, brother, G, and stepbrother all represented the Midwest Drinkers Association well.

It’s hard to see, but LM is actually standing below this television screen (in front of a pool). We watched Monday Night Football poolside with drinks in hand. Ahhh…does it get any better?

Castaway Cay held lots of wonders, including Captain Jack Sparrow’s Flying Dutchman
(from the movie!!)
Docked at Castaway, waiting to parasail
(which, unfortunately, never happened due to inclement weather!)

On the island, there was swimming by those brave enough to face the cooooold cold water!

K hunted seashells.

Little Bird took a break after snorkeling.

Annie braided Little Bird’s hair.

LM’s favorite part of the cruise? Feeding the sting rays. It was really awesome!

George, keeping warm after a swim.

Little Bird was primarily interested in autographs from princesses, but she occasionally made an exception. A man with a hook can be very persuasive!

Pirate Night at Dinner. Shuby rocked as a pirate! (Shuby (my step brother’s son) got his nickname for responding with a confident and cheerful “Sh’You Betcha!” anytime he was asked something!)

LM and Captain Jack Sparrow.

All you can eat ice cream 24/7 was a BIG hit with George and A.

My type-A personality, can’t sit still for a minute, daquiri drinking but in denial (“Boy these smoothies are awesome for not having any alcohol!”) sister, Jules.

After the cruise we stayed at the Nickelodeon Hotel and met SpongeBob! (You can just feel LM’s excitement, can’tcha?)
LM did stand underthe slime waterfall.

We played mini-golf, although Dad cheated by taking in a practice round before we started and Jules claimed we didn’t keep score (is she related to us?! Not keep score?! Are you kidding?!)

How could anyone have a bad time around a face like this?

Time to sail away home.

2 Flights from Newark, NJ to Orlando, FL: $400
Souvenirs, sting ray adventure and miscellaneous cruise costs: $300
one week long vacation with 14 family members: priceless

Leaving 70 degree weather for 20 degree weather: sucks
Coming home from vacation with a horrible sinus infection: sucks
confirmation of resolution with DirectTV in the mail: PRICELESS
waking up to find my downstairs neighbor MOVING OUT: UNBELEIVABLE!!! YIPPEE!!

(Pictures and details from the cruise to follow as soon as I recover from this nasty cold. I promise!)

When there’s nothing in your fridge ‘cept for lettuce and an apple, go to Wawa.
When you car is low on gas or your thirstin’ for a Snapple, go to Wawa.
Lookin’ for a hoagie, veggie wrap or just some soup, go to Wawa.
Doesn’t matter if you’re dressed in your pj’s or a suit, go to Wawa.

Cheerful, fresh and tasteful, it’s got 7-Eleven beat, that’s our Wawa.
Forgot your lunch or need a snack, it’s kept both clean and neat, that’s our Wawa.
Cup of joe, pack of smokes, Ben & Jerry’s or a Coke, that’s our Wawa,
They’ve got everything you need, just fill ‘er up and go, that’s our Wawa.

But be careful there, dear Pilgrim, don’t lose focus when you go,
There might be someone in the aisles whose face you used to know.
The one who was a smoker and a friend of a not-quite friend,
The one who let his kids be kings without some discipline.

“I wuv my wittle smoochie pie” he’d say each time you kissed.
And talk about vacationing as if you might get hitched.
You only dated once or twice, you had no real attraction,
His smoking and his baby talk were two really big infractions.

It wasn’t going to work, there was no chemistry to last,
He took it hard and told you off, said you were living in the past.
He blamed it on your ex, said it was time you just moved on,
But it was really all his issues that made you wish him gone.

But as you ordered lunch today (with onions, peppers and tomato)
You saw a face that looked like his, but your brain just didn’t know.
Was it? Is it? Could it be? (You never know who’s lurking).
It’s him with a pack of cigarettes (he never did quite give up smoking).

It’s fight or flight (just like UC), but it’s an easier decision,
You have no desire to see this man or to start a conversation.
You pay for lunch, you scan the room, and look for a quick way out,
Without being seen you’ve reached the door, you’d like to scream and shout.

The next time that you’re hungry, or looking for some grub,
You’ll reconsider your options, and find a place to sub.
For while it is a heaven on earth and full of tasty treats,
Our Wawa isn’t safe anymore, I need a new retreat!

Word Count Validator:

Up until November 25th, this area contained a run-of-the-mill word-count updater. Now it’s become your portal to victory. If you upload a manuscript that is 50,000 words or more, you will be logged as an official NaNoWriMo winner, and will be sent to a special page to collect your winner’s certificate and web icons.

Upload a manuscript that has less than 50,000 words, and you will be returned to this page (with your word count handily updated for you).

To use it, please save your manuscript as a Text Only file (with a .txt extension) and upload it here!

You’ve Won!

Dear Novelist,

You did it.

Despite everything else going on in your busy life, you managed to pull off the creative coup of writing a 50,000-word novel in just one month.

When the going got tough, you got typing, and in four weeks, you built vast worlds and set them in motion. You created characters; quirky, interesting, passionate souls with lives and loves and ambitions as great as yours. You stuck it out through the notoriously difficult middle stretch, and pressed onward as 80% of your fellow writers dropped out around you.

And now look at you: A NaNoWriMo winner. And the owner of a brand-new, potential-filled manuscript. It’s an amazing accomplishment, and we’re proud to have had you writing with us this year.

Official count: 50,660 words. 11 Chapters. One Children’s book. “The Trouble With Charlie”. I am a writer.

I work for a company that has about 40 employees. Over the past year, there have been several occasions where someone has brought gifts to the office for only the four women (including me) that work here. Five of my co-workers have brought me back something from their vacation ranging from a postcard and a magnet to earrings, a bracelet or a nice wooden kangaroo (from Australia, of course). I am not the sort of person who normally buys things for other people when I go on vacation (assuming for the moment that I ever DO go on vacation).

What do I do? I’ll be on a Disney cruise, for starters, so it’s not really an exotic destination, but should I bring something back for the five that have bought something for me? Do I bring something back for everyone (because I don’t understand the logic of only buying for the women). Do I just skip it?

HELP!

Me: “So, LM was talking about how much he had enjoyed the guest pastor over the last couple of months at church. I asked him what, specifically, he liked about Dr. B. He said, “He makes the sermons to applicable to my life…”

G: (interrupting) “Did LM actually use the word ‘applicable’?”

Me: “Um, yeah.”

G: “I just recently figured out how to use the word ‘applicable’ correctly.”

Me: “Well, if you thought that was impressive, the other day I was commenting to LM that now that I’ve won the “Mom of the Year Award” I can blow off the next 360 or so days until it comes around to nomination time again when I have to kiss up. LM told me that ‘Mom of the Year’ was a misnomer, that it was more accurately a ‘Mom of the Moment’ sort of award”

G: “misnomer? I have no idea what that even means. Man, I need a dictionary to keep up with my 10 year old nephew.”