I fell asleep on the couch Saturday evening (watching football, of course!) and finally drug my tired self to bed. Downstairs Neighbor (DN) was on the phone sobbing. “You’ve hung up on me SIX TIMES!!!” sob sob sob….the conversation would die down (I thought she was off the phone) and then she’d be sobbing again and saying “Did you forget about me?!” sob sob sob. This woman is in her late 30’s or early 40’s with two boys in late middle school and high school. What maturity!! This went on for a half hour or more and I heard her ask “Where are you?” and then it wasn’t long after that she was out the door and gone.

I slept like a baby.

This morning, LM arrived from his dad’s house in time to head to church. We had a couple minutes before we left and were talking about our weekends. I told him about my weekend with DN. As we walk out to the car, we notice her four runner parked next to ours has a headlight totally smashed in. It’s just the corner of the front, not the whole front, but the headlight is barely hanging off of it. When we arrive back home from church we notice it’s BOTH headlights (just both corners, not the whole front) AND a taillight. It’s like she rammed the corner of her truck into something three times.

Wonder what the boyfriend’s car looks like?

It wasn’t enough that I woke at 2am to the sound of my downstair neighbor’s television and her laughing. I stayed in bed for a half hour trying to get back to sleep but to no avail. I finally decided to just move myself to the couch for the night.

It wasn’t enough that I woke again at 4am to the sound of cabinets banging, doors slamming and the conversation below moved to her kitchen. I laid on the couch for awhile waiting for them to subside or relocate but to no avail. I moved back to my bedroom.

It wasn’t enough that I couldn’t fall asleep in my bed for the noise below. Just two people downstairs, with a television on and a lively conversation, but with no consideration for those of us sleeping above. I moved back to the couch.

It wasn’t enough that I woke at 6am to more noise below me in the living room. I laid on the couch, frustrated beyond belief and tried to just shut out the noise and sleep. I finally stomped twice on the living room floor trying to make a point and she finally moved her conversation back to the bedroom where her television was still on. I decided to just stay on the couch since it seemed quieter there.

It wasn’t enough that I was still awake when her son’s alarm clock started beeping beneath me at five after 6.

It wasn’t enough that I finally decided to go down and knock on her door. She finally came out, looking at me as if she was shocked to see me. I explained that I had been up since 2 and had moved to the living room, only to be awaken there. I explained that just like the time she commented that she could hear my dog snoring at night, I could ever EVERY WORD they were saying, every sound from the television and now, I could hear her son’s alarm clock. She shook her head and said her television hasn’t been on, her cable is out. And she just stared at me as if I were crazy. I asked her politely if she would PLEASE keep it down.

She shut her door.

When I returned upstairs, she had turned the television off and the alarm clock off but she and her boyfriend had found my remarks to be hysterical and they had a lively conversation for awhile. With the sun starting to shine through the windows, I tried to sleep on the couch.

I finally got up at 9 and went for a walk, thinking I would just return home and take a nap when surely she must be sleeping as well. When I returned home from my walk another neighbor was having their carpets cleaned which means there’s a van with some sort of vacuum system waking up and keeping up the whole neighborhood.

I have had enough.

I’ve been putting off my move to the digital camera realm mainly because I don’t want to spend the money, but I only have two months left until the Big Family Cruise and I swore I would purchase a new camera before the trip (since mine is nearly dead). I’ve been reading over reviews and paying attention to people who seem to take great photos, but before I actually make the big purchase I thought I’d just ask if anyone has recommendations. Keep in mind, I’m NOT looking for a simple, automatic, point and shoot. I want a digital SLR with exchangeable lenses. If you have any advice or recommendations, I’d love to hear from you!!

1. What do you put in a wooden barrel to make it lighter? (Three answers)
a. fire
b. termites
c. holes

2. Sign on a building says, “If you don’t see what you want, you have come to the right place” what is the business?
An Optician’s Office

3. A man jumps out of a plane without a parachute and lands on solid concrete without being harmed. How is this possible?
The plane is on the ground.

Congrats to those of you who got some of these right!!

This morning over breakfast LM announced he had a quiz for us (for the neighbor girl that we take to the bus and me, just in case you were wondering about that “us” part). He prefaced his quiz by saying Kindergarteners pass it easily while CEO’s often fail. Good. No pressure. Feel free to post your answers in the comments and I’ll come back later today with the correct answers.

P.S. If your smart-alecky fifth grader recently pulled this one on you, don’t ruin it for everyone else, just tell us you already know the answers!

There are only four questions, so it won’t take you long:

1. How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?

2. How do you get a giraffe in the refrigerator?

3. There is a town meeting in the jungle, all the animals are present except one. Which one?

4. You have to cross a river in the jungle that’s home to hundreds of alligators. There’s no bridge, how do you get across without being eaten by alligators?

(I’m proud to say I got two of them right, but LM wasn’t all that impressed.)

Update:

Here are the answers:

1. How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator? Open the door and let him in.

2. How do you get a giraffe in the refrigerator? Let the elephant out and then let the giraffe climb in.

3. There is a town meeting in the jungle, all the animals are present except one. Which one? The giraffe, of course, he’s in the refrigerator!

4. You have to cross a river in the jungle that’s home to hundreds of alligators. There’s no bridge, how do you get across without being eaten by alligators? Swim right across. All the alligators are at the town meeting!

Don’t ya love it?

I left work with a dozen real estate listings and coordinated mappings to lead me from one house to the next. The eighth one had looked especially promising and after 7 complete let-downs I decided to call it quits after seeing the one I had specially marked. It was cute with a little yard, a covered porch in the back and a beautiful wooden door with beveled glass on the front. Cute. Very “Amy”ish. But the neighborhood isn’t particularly grand, and the town I wasn’t much impressed with (towns never seem to impress me, especially the bigger they get) and the yard wasn’t all that big and certainly wasn’t fenced or anything and the commute would be horrendous and the cost would be a stretch.

I stopped and got gas ($2.39/gallon) and drove nearly an hour back home in the fading light and wondered what I might eat when I arrived home (frozen pizza) and what I might watch on the tele (shows I had previously taped) and what it is I’m supposed to do with my life (Lord only knows). I want to move. I want to take the next step in my life but I can’t seem to get the pieces to line up.

I’m feeling quite melancholy and as though my life is stuck in some sort of a rut so I’m going to take my down throw blanket and head to bed (where I’ve left the windows partially open so it’ll be great room to sleep in) and the kitties will snuggle right up and we’ll fall asleep wishing for puppies and a lawn mower and a house on an acre and all sorts of things that I don’t have the means for.

*When I published this post and it came up to view, I had mis-typed the title. It somehow seems prophetic that I typed, “Wait for a Move”.

This is just my plug for my two favorite shows this season. “Brothers and Sisters” and “Studio 60”.

If ya get a chance (or have room on the ol’ DVR) give ’em a go. They’re worth it.

That’s all. You may resume your regularly scheduled programming now.

P.S. For the (grounded) Little Man’s sake, we’re DVR’ing “Survivor” and “Amazing Race” so don’t tell me what’s happening on either one until we get all caught up. Thanks!

Oh, and if you don’t have a DVR *cough* Julie *cough* GET ONE. (Bear, she could actually program the thing herself. $10 a month. Trust me, it’s worth it.)

My blood pressure tripled last night. Another bill from the DirectTV system I do not own or subscribe to. The one I canceled 24 hours after they were unable to properly install the system. They claim I still owe them over $300 for the equipment rental fees because it was INSTALLED and you cannot cancel after installation without paying the fee. Except that it wasn’t really installed, because the DVR can’t work without a phone line.

But enough about all that.

This is just to say that only now, this morning, upon reading Bearca’s post, do I truly comprehend why I am still feeling so worked up about it all this morning. I have not had the proper venting of my frustration because, alas, I do not own cat furniture.

I will have to find another way to vent my DirectTV frustration (without, directly, involving, say the TV).

Have I mentioned that my tv screen has a slant to it now? Nothing related to the above problem other than adding to my blood pressure issues.

Note: All this said, as frustrated as I was last night during hour number TWO that I was still on the phone having a slight disagreement with DirectTV, and the subsequent hour I spent on the phone with my credit card company to start a dispute, my son proceeded to cook dinner, bring me a glass of wine, read a book and then came to cuddle with me on the couch to help make my day better. He even cheered for my fantasy football players (fruitlessly) while I was busy losing my mind over the absurdity that DirectTV refers to as “Customer Service”. I tell ya, this kid, he’s a keeper.

Also note, in the past month or two that I’ve posted about my ongoing issues with DirectTV I’ve had several people land on this site from a google search about DirectTV and yet they don’t stay and read!! What are you fools thinking?!?! Want to know if DirectTV is a good option for you?! READ WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT IT!!!

K, I’m done now. Promise.

Yesterday we made soup. By “made”, I mean “dumped things in a pot and hoped they came out tasty” and by “we” I mean, me, well, LM did cut up the carrots, so a small bit of “we”, and by “soup” I mean gallons and gallons of a vegetable concoction that we will be eating well into the next hundred years.

So after eating ourselves so full we could barely move (it’s no wonder those “Chunky Soup” commercials are aimed at football players! I feel like I ate like one!) I packaged up the remaining soup, allocating several containers for freezing and one for Wednesday night when we’re always in a rush to get to church activities and three small containers for lunch this week.

I headed off to the company kitchen moments ago with the anticipation of homemade vegetable beef soup only to find I had packed the leftover baked beans.

I am now eating a filet-o-fish sammich (sans le fromage) for lunch. It does taste better if you try to pronounce it all in French. I swear. Work with me here.

It is no secret that I love football. Being a mom of one ten year old (read that “independent beyond his years”) and a meager condo, I have little else requiring my attention on the weekends than football. From college on Saturday (Notre Dame, Penn State or Michigan) to the pro’s (Patriots) on Sunday, I generally have the tv programmed to sports for the duration.

I was recently persuaded to join my company’s fantasy football league (it was a speech about building comraderie that got me) and have since learned the following:

FANTASY FOOTBALL MAKES YOU AN OBSESSIVE FANATIC.

It’s true. I watched way too much football prior to this whole league forming but now? NOW?! Oh.my.lord. I am not only watching every game that’s broadcast but I am continually scouring the internet and squinting at the tv to read the stats they display for each.individual.player. I don’t care if the Giants win or lose but I need Tiki Barber to have the game of his life. Atlanta vs. New Orleans? Who would normally care? But me?! I have a huge interest in the game with Vick, Bush and two other players in the mix. It’s not enough to just cheer for my favorite team, I have to cheer against a team so that the defense I chose might stand a fighting chance.

And then there’s the picks I have to make for each week. Studying up which team is playing which team. Sure, Detroit defense has been great the first two games but how will they fare against Green Bay (and as it turns out NOT WELL – all thanks to Bear for that recommendation!) Would Ben Rothlesberger have a great game this week after the miserable loss last week (no, so thank goodness I kept him on the bench.)

I’ve gone from the girl who knew just enough to talk with the boys around the water cooler to the FANTATIC football chic who can’t stop debating about whether the Bronco defense will be one to pick up in week 4.

Lord.help.us.all.