Thursday. My favorite day of the week. (Write that down, it’s on the quiz*.) I’m leaving work early today to meet with Orthodontist #2 to find out if the first quote was reasonable and typical. At first I was resentful that I had to take off a half day of work to spend with an orthodontist (my ex is pushing for the second opinion but he doesn’t arrange or attend any of the consultations) but now today the sun is shining, high of 80 degrees and beautiful blue skies, so the appeal of leaving work early is greatly rising! Who needs to save vacation time for an actual vacation anyway?!

LM is coming to the consultation with me (since they’ll need to see his teeth and all, and thus far I haven’t found them to be portable outside of his body). I think we’ll both enjoy playing hooky for the rest of the day then.

I hope that you are all having a great Thursday. Do something wonderful today!

P.S. Anyone out there who watches “Lost” did you not absolutely freak over last night’s episode? Amazing Race wasn’t half bad, either! (How ancient am I that I just used the word “freak” as a verb?)

*Other answers you’ll need to know for the quiz include: The Beatles, Fort Polk, D) All the above, a lop-eared bunny, false, “fossil fuel”, and tomatoes on the vine.

My previous post had not been published an hour when my cell phone rang at work. In the moment it took to identify herself I realized that the principal of LM’s school, calling me at work is not a good sign. I was certain she wasn’t calling to wish LM a very Happy Birthday.

LM had another altercation at school. I’m not sure if I wrote about the first incident, but it involved being kicked on the playground and in response, yelling down the crowded school hallway that he was going KILL that person. (Didn’t fare well with the “zero tolerance for violence” policy at school.) Today, a girl took his bag of birthday cookies at lunch (the ones he brought for the class) and even after she admitted guilt to the lunch aide, LM socked her in the back. LM found himself at in-school suspension. Again. On his 10th birthday. I listened to the principal. I agreed that he made a bad choice. We both agreed that the girl had provoked him, but still. I said I was coming to get him, I didn’t see the sense in him sitting in the counselor’s office all afternoon.

Upon arriving at the school, I had a nice conversation with the counselor. LM was there, too. None of us feel that he has underlying issues that are surfacing at these moments. He really does seem okay with the divorce and such according to the counselor. He just has trouble in those first ten seconds after someone really gets to him of using good judgment. The moment it is over, LM admits he did wrong. He takes full responsibility for losing control and knows that he made a bad decision. All those things are encouraging signs. He doesn’t mean to be malicious, and it isn’t that he doesn’t know right from wrong. He just has a temper that erupts every now and again that he needs to control better.

The thing of it that gets me is that I NEVER see this side of him. Neither his father nor myself are “yellers” nor do we strike out or throw things in anger. At home, if LM loses his temper, he tends to sulk, to give you the “death glare” but he never yells or hits or in any way erupts like he has at school.

The counselor and I both reminded LM that he had every right to be angry when the girl took his cookies. Every right. What she did was wrong. But the reaction was wrong. He knew that. He was incredibly remorseful.

We came home and I just sat for awhile. LM went to his room on his own. I finally told him that I wasn’t done talking about the incident, I just wasn’t sure what to say right now and I needed a little time. He said he understood and apologized for “ruining my day”. His dad came to the house about an hour or so later and we talked for quite awhile about what to do now. None of the typical consequences would truly address the problem. How does taking away his PlayStation change those 10 seconds of reaction time? It was obvious that LM understood what he had done wrong and truly felt horrible about it. He hated that it happened on his birthday, too.

We decided to talk about it again in a few days, after the birthday parties are over. Honestly, I don’t think at this point we’ll do too much in terms of a punishment. I think his heart hurt plenty today. I do think I’ll talk with a child psychologist at some point before too long. While none of us think there’s something underneath the surface, maybe there is and we just don’t know. I certainly don’t want to see this problem escalate and Lord knows the issues between kids is going to get far more personal that someone taking your cookies.

After LM left with his dad to have their birthday celebration together, I talked with my dad and then my sister. Afterwards I loaded Gabe up in the car and we went off to play with the puppies. Nothing like an evening at the park to clear your mind. As I write this, I’m sitting out on my deck, surrounded by beautiful plants, finding peace in my little flower garden.

10 years ago, on the night that LM was born, when all was said and done, J asked me who I wanted to call first. I said, with eyes full of tears, “I want to call my mom.” My mom had passed away, unfortunately, three years before LM was born. Tonight, just like the night I became LM’s mother, I wish beyond all wishes that I could talk with my mom.

1. He is a voracious reader. Everyday I see him reading a different book. When asked how many times he’s read that particular book, the answer might range from “twice” to “five or six”. His favorites are Star Wars books (from the adult science fiction section of the bookstore) but he will also indulge in classics like “To Kill a Mockingbird” or “Where the Red Fern Grows”.

2. Despite being a Star Wars FREAK (I use this term lovingly!) he pronounces “Han Solo” like the word “Hand” without the ‘d’.

3. Because of his love for reading, LM’s vocabulary far exceeds his age. In an everyday discussion, he might use a phrase like “je ne sais quoi” or use words like “cache”. The only evidence of his age comes when he mispronounces such words, mainly because he has only read them and never heard them used.

4. LM has never met a stranger. For good or for bad, he makes a new friend every single time he goes to the park. He is never shy about approaching other kids nor about speaking with adults.

5. He loves to snuggle up on the couch with me as much as I like to snuggle up on the couch with him. On a quiet evening at home, LM will grab his favorite blanket and pillow and come snuggle up on the couch with a book, or watch a movie with me.

6. At least once a week, LM will pop some popcorn for me. Knowing how much I love popcorn, he’ll not only pop the corn, but he’ll also pour me a soda and bring it right over to the couch for me.

7. His soft heart. LM can truly sympathize and demonstrates such a loving heart. Having only known his gifted teacher a week or two at the start of the year before she left on medical leave, LM was truly saddened and struck when he learned that she has passed away from cancer this past weekend. “She was young, Mom.”

8. Should LM ever go missing, I will never have to think twice about what he is wearing. 90% of the time, he is wearing a red sweatshirt and jeans. He owns about 10 red sweatshirts (several are exactly the same) and would choose 10 more if given the chance.

9. His imagination. With a bucket of K’nex (the cool version of Legos) he creates more spaceships, rockets, and warcraft with more components and ingenuity than you can fathom. It would take him a half hour to explain to you each and every part of any single creation.

10. His sense of humor. He not only understands sarcasm, he uses it. He enjoys everything from the typical fourth-grade knock-knock joke to jokes involving much more subtle types of humor. He has written over 35 episodes of his self-designed comic strip “Smiley Man Adventures” and still laughs out loud when he re-reads some of his own writing.

11. That he will still use the hand signal for “I love you” when he gets out of the car at school each morning and I can hug and kiss him (at home) and he still enjoys it!

12. His courage. It isn’t that he has had to suffer great pains or hospitalizations, but whether it’s having his spots lasered, or having 3 teeth pulled, he courageously faces the pain and fights through it. Similarly, the first time he went tubing behind Papa’s boat, he showed no fear or anxiety. He simply gave us the thumbs up sign and begged to go faster!

13. He is helpful. In addition to his one mandatory chore that he does each day, LM will willingly fetch items at the grocery store, help pack up necessities to go to the park, assist in cleaning efforts when company is coming, take out recycling and trash, and unload the dishwasher if I’m running behind. Rarely, if ever, does he complain about helping out, often times he will offer before I even have to ask.

14. LM is passionate. Just like his mother, LM will stand firmly in his opinion (even if it might be wrong.) He believes things with fierce conviction and he loves people with fierce loyalty. Along with that comes a vulnerable, sensitive side where his feelings can easily be hurt and his pride injured.

15. He is charitable. Each week, LM earns $2 in “allowance”. He is required to put 50 cents into savings (only to be used for college), 50 cents in a charity fund and 50 cents is his own. The remaining 50 cents can be put in any of the three categories. Every single week, LM selflessly puts the extra money into his charity fund.

16. He is mature and responsible. Whether it is completing his homework, chore and trumpet practice first thing when he gets home from school, or being home alone occasionally for an hour or two, LM handles the situation with grace and maturity. Being a child of divorced parents, he has handled the shuffling and the different sets of rules extremely well.

17. He is a Christian. LM has the innocent belief in God and Christ that most children do but he is unafraid to publicly give God credit or to stand on his Christian beliefs. Seeing a beautiful sunset, LM will always declare, “Isn’t God an incredible artist?”

18. He is a willing and enthusiastic participant in KICK’N (Kid In Charge of the Kitchen Night). He has learned how to plan a menu, read and follow directions and to enjoy creating a meal for the family.

19. On LM’s short list of “best friends” he includes his cousin (Little Bird) despite only seeing her once or twice a year.

20. LM loves with his whole heart. He loves being with his family, his friends, neighbors, the pets… He has a big heart and allows everyone in.

Happy 10th Birthday, Jacob!!

Okay, okay, I’ll tell about Pottery class, but I’m sure by now you’re imagination has formulated a much better story than the truth.

LM didn’t have to go to pottery. He WANTED to go to pottery. Keep that in mind.

LM learned at school that the daughter of my classmate was going to be there, too, so LM was really excited to have another kid at class.

We reviewed the rules. I reminded him that just acting silly could cause a pot to fall off a shelf and break and there.is.no.replacing.someone’s.unique.artwork. I told him that this was his fair warning that I wouldn’t give warnings at class. I reminded him that my classmate and I needed to actually do some work, and that he was more than welcome to create something with clay but it would NOT be fired in the kiln (we were running out of room, and I was terrified that his ‘thing’ would explode and take other valuable pieces with it.)

When we arrived at class, the daughter of my classmate was sitting quietly off to the side sketching. LM walked in, saw her, didn’t say hi, just started criticizing her artwork. “What is that supposed to be? Sponge Bob? His pants should be more square if that’s what it is. What is this over there? That’s not a tree. Why don’t you draw a picture of a spacecraft…” About 5 criticisms later, I turned around and said, “Jacob!” He looked at me like, “what?” My classmate introduced himself at that point and kind of looked at me like, “nice kid ya got there.”

I needed to trim the pots from last week, so I tried to get that done quickly. Then I got LM some clay to play with, thinking he would stay out of the way and keep quiet. But no. He kept walking around my classmate’s wheel, which was making the classmate VERY nervous. My classmate has made some very nice pieces. He has done pottery before and just used the class to get time on the wheel, really. He primarily makes big bowls, and LM wasn’t earning any points by pacing back and forth next to that wheel. One false move and the whole bowl could be ruined.

I finally got him settled doing his own thing. For the life of me, though, I could NOT get a pot to form with the clay (I wonder why). I had LM take some pictures, thinking that would keep him occupied. But trying to take pictures, LM kept getting in the way of my classmate and making my classmate very.very.nervous.

I decided I would just abandon the idea of making a pot on my own, and LM and I would just make one together as that would be really cool and would keep him still. We had talked about this as one of the cool things we could do together at class. He came and sat with me at the wheel and I shaped my hands around his to mold and center the clay. One touch of the clay and he was done. “Eww!! I don’t like this on my hands!! Are we done yet?! Can I go wash my hands yet?” We took some pictures to mark the occasion of the “Night that LM Did Not Want to Make a Pot With His Mother” and then I let him go wash his hands.

We had been at class only about 40 minutes by this point and LM has insulted both the daughter AND my classmate (“That bowl would look better if you….” “Why don’t you smash that down and make it into a…” “That would be cool if you put two necks on it and…”) My classmate was SO impressed with my child that he started telling about how he teases his daughter that when boys start coming around, there are some boys he will let in, and some that he will toss over the hedge. LM was quickly labeled a “hedge boy”.

Class normally lasts 2 hours. This week we were without the instructor so I was dependent upon my classmate who has a key to the place to lock up when we left. After 45 minutes of being there, he announces that he’s done and cleans up ready to go home. In less than 2 minutes they are cleaned up, packed up and ready to leave. I, on the other hand, was in the middle of desperately trying to make ONE.LAST.POT. and now I have to quit and go home? Finally, out of exasperation, my classmate says he’ll show me how to lock up when I go and he’ll just leave.

The moment they left I thought I would lose my mind. In less than 45 minutes, my child had offended an adult and a child so much so that they LEFT class altogether. I was so embarrassed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus on making anymore pots, even though it was my LAST.NIGHT.TO.MAKE.POTS. We cleaned up, packed up and went home.

The worst of it to me, is that, because I’m a single mom, I can go home and quietly and calmly explain what went wrong and what I expected of him next time, etc. But unless I prompt for it myself, I get no apology. I miss the days when his dad could take him aside and say, “You owe your mother an apology!” (We’ll just pretend for a moment that his dad ever did that sort of thing.) I just wanted a heartfelt “I’m sorry” for ruining my last night of class, but I didn’t get one.

LM asked at the end of the night if he could go with me again next week. ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME?!

(See? Weren’t you thinking he broke everything I made or something?!)

There is the pottery story.

I will not take my child to pottery class again.

For my entire life, the only vacations I have ever taken have been to see family. In 2007, LM and I want to take a vacation to a destination of our choosing.

To that end, we are brainstorming where we would go in the US if we could go anywhere and we’re looking for insight from people who have ‘been there, done that’.

What would you recommend?

The office hosted a pizza party lunch as a send off to a departing co-worker. Our newest employee wasn’t familiar with the Guest of Honor and asked me for some background. I described him as “the quiet one” having heard no more than three words out of this man’s mouth in the 4 months that I have worked here. He keeps to himself, he is almost always holed up in his own office and you rarely see him conversing with anyone in the halls or in the kitchen. He’s just a quiet, reserved sort of person.

At the party, people were asking him about his new position (at a branch office of ours) and what sorts of projects he’ll be working on. I have no doubt this “party” was his worst nightmare. A room of 25 people all focused on HIM. His answers were extremely brief, often just one word and barely audible. I served as the speakers, as I was sitting next to him, repeating nearly everything he said for the rest of the room to hear. It’s not that he’s unhappy, he’s just QUIET.

One of our more garrulous co-workers tried to get the Guest of Honor to give a little speech in recognition of his last day with us. She finally conceded and suggested he just “tell us about your life in three words or less!” When that was met with awkward silence, she said, “Okay, how about two words? Fun and loud?” The sarcasm was not lost on the rest of the room as everyone chuckled, even the guest of honor.

Questions continued, people asking when the moving truck was arriving (2:30) and how big was it (just 14’) and which office would be his in Alabama (he didn’t know.) Finally, thinking they had thought of something to get him talking, someone asked him about his recent wedding and inquired as to how he was enjoying married life? Silence.

The same garrulous co-worker boldly suggested, “fun and loud?”

Diet Coke came out my nose.

I am a huge fan of the Habitat for Humanity organization. I fully support their goals and methods of achieving them. I commend them for their requirements that recipients contribute to the sweat equity of the homes. I applaud them in their efforts across our nation.

I am currently at a loss, however, to understand how it is that one of my co-workers has qualified for a HH home. I realize, first of, that I do not know all the details. However. My position at my company is very near the bottom of the totem poles for salaries. Most of the people here have PhD’s, a few just have their Masters. I support those people, so I realize that I’m not going to be paid nearly as much as they are. The gentleman in question is also in a support position, but in IT, so I would think that he would make more than I do, but for the moment, I’ll assume he simply makes my salary.

He currently rents in a high-rent area locally. He currently “supports” his live-in girlfriend (who doesn’t have a job of any kind) and her five year old special-needs daughter. Let’s assume that she at least collects unemployment, but from the sounds of it, he is completely responsible for their financial wellbeing as well as his own.

This man has a daughter of his own. I have no idea what he pays in child support for her or if he pays, but we’ll assume it’s a little something at least. His mom currently provides day care for his daughter, so I realize there’s no day care expense being added.

If I took my salary and tried to support another adult as well as LM, and perhaps shelled out a few shuckles for child support, it would certainly be tight, I’m not saying it wouldn’t. But would I qualify for an HH house?! I don’t think I should. I pay a sizeable mortgage payment (that’s what you get for living on the East Coast) and I make a car payment every month, so certainly I have enough to pay the bills with.

The real kicker for me is that yesterday, this guy shared with me that he’s now worked his way back up to smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. Not being a smoker, I inquired what that costs him a week. He said, “about $70”.

Now, if I took my currently salary and added about $300 a month to it, I’m fairly certain I could pay all my bills with a little bit of a cushion.

So how is it that he can qualify for this home?! How is it that volunteers are out there busting their butts and donating appliances (the fridge he is going to turn around and sell to the office because he doesn’t want one that doesn’t have an ice maker built in) – and he is smoking up $300 a month?!? If his girlfriend actually had to support herself (and I’m not sure he can claim her as a dependent since they aren’t married) and even if they had to rely on state funding to help her special-needs child, he would surely have plenty of money with which to buy his own place!

I am all in favor of organizations like Habitat helping those who cannot help themselves, but in this case, I am frustrated thinking that he is taking the generosity of this group and blowing it up in smoke.

I don’t even want to think about the money wasted if his girlfriend has a nicotine habit to support, too.

The office bought lunch today, unfortunately I just had a cavity filled at noon and my jaw is too numb to eat without risking great personal injury. (I surrendered my hoagie to a co-worker who wasn’t offered a free lunch today.)

Gabers finally chose to eat which means the antibiotics have kicked in and he’s finally feeling better than he has in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, while the weather is perfect right at this moment, we’re expecting thunderstorms right about the time I leave work and well into the evening. No trip to the bark park for us tonight!

I finally received my 2005 year-end bonus from my previous job after much ado about proving that I was actually employed through the last working day in December. Unfortunately, Uncle Sam took such a chunk out of it that it’s not nearly the sizeable chunk of “found money” that it might have been.

On the fourth attempt, I think my ophthalmologist has finally gotten my contact lens prescription almost perfect. Unfortunately, everyone at the office now thinks I look better with my glasses.

Two of my co-workers that share the “new” office space with me were out on Friday and Monday leaving me completely by myself for the duration. Unfortunately, the one that returned to work today is not the one that can funnel projects to me so I am bored silly for yet ANOTHER day at work.

My favorite pair of jeans is finally worn in enough that they are perfectly comfortable right out of the dryer. Unfortunately, this means they are also starting to wear THROUGH in certain places and I really should replace them before anything embarrassing occurs.

Following my friend Stacy’s good advice, I baked cookies and LM took them to our downstairs neighbors over the weekend in an effort to win them over. Unfortunately, the single guy that lives a few doors down wasn’t home for me to try the same approach!

Thanks to some of my co-workers for doing the necessary “homework”, I’ve been kept informed of all the hidden nuances of the show “Lost”. Unfortunately, the producers have decided to postpone airing any new episodes for the last few weeks and I’ve now forgotten what I need to pay attention to.

The orthodontist we originally consulted with was kind enough to let me take the molds and x-rays to another orthodontist for a second opinion (second confirmation, really). Unfortunately, the delay in getting the process started may mean it has to be put off since LM will spend much of the summer away from home (g’parents don’t want to deal with milkshakes for dinner and motrin every 4 hours for a month) – meaning his teeth that are trying to come in could continue to wreak havoc until the fall.

Last evening, while walking Gabe, a really, really, cute guy proclaimed what a cool dog I have. Unfortunately, the guy was riding by on his motorcycle and didn’t stop to chat!