To LM: Thank you for such a wonderful Christmas! Thank you for celebrating the birth of Christ with me, for relishing the joy of giving great gifts and for enjoying our time together as much as anything. Thank you for my new plant. The one you personally picked out without any help. The one that you chose because of its “easy care”, because its blooms are blue, my favorite color, and because you know how much I love plants! What a wonderful child you are!

To my step-mom: Thank you for the best gift this year. You personally painted a picture of an autumn scene for us. You shared your talents and chose a theme that you thought best suited our lives and interests. The painting is amazing, you are truly talented! Thank you for sharing your gifts with us!

To Bear: I cannot thank you enough for buying my sister a Verizon cell phone. MY budget thanks you!!! I am so thrilled to be able to call her anytime without worrying about using my minutes now!!

To G: I hope you enjoy the album. I know it’s an emotional hurdle to work through. I know you have yet to grieve. I know that reading Mom’s words in Mom’s writing is harder than many things I’ve done lately, but I also know that nothing feels more real, nothing speaks as clearly as her own words telling you how much she loves you. Take your time, enjoy it, savor it, and someday, come sit with me and read through all the letters. Laugh, cry, and remember.

To my dad: Thank you so much for convincing me to buy an HD tv last spring when my old tv finally decided death was better than the life it was living. I have enjoyed watching nothing but football for the last many days and will continue to push the tolerance of my household this weekend on how many hours straight football can play on the tele! By the way, LM loves playing his ps2 games on the nice tele, too, and really looks forward to the bowl games being over so he can watch his new Star Wars movies (I, II, III) on the widescreen with surround sound!

To Mother Nature: Thank you for the mild winter thus far. Thank you for the moderate temperatures, the chance to enjoy the Bark Park, for LM to be out on his scooter, and for us to enjoy a touch of sunshine now and again. We are already looking forward to spring, although we know we have a couple more months of the cold to work through first.

To the Woman Who Made Me A Brunette: I’m getting used to it. This is not to say I prefer it, but I’m at least not shocked when I pass a mirror. The cut will be fantastic in about a month when I can tuck behind my ears once again, but all in all, I’m not feeling homicidal over my bad hair color. Lucky for you.

To the Lovely Folks at Wal*Mart: Standing in line with a pair of kids’ sneakers, cat litter, flour and a binder, I find it so odd to think I bought all those things under one roof (all the while smelling Subway bread baking – ew). I know you aspire to be all things for all people, but seriously. It’s getting to be a bit much. Especially the smell of Subway.

To the Makers of Emerald Nuts: get a new ad agency.

To Anyone Who Knows Something On the Subject: Is it possible to get an electric fireplace that doesn’t need venting? Can I buy such a thing, and have Bear or G build me a beautiful mantle and never have to actually do anything to my interior or exterior walls? Can I create a “portable” fireplace that isn’t permanently affixed to this condo?

To Karla: Thanks for the recommendation on the dog training book. I’ve read it cover to cover now. I’m not certain that it gives me the tools I was looking for, but it was reassuring to know that we’re at least doing a whole lot of things right! Maybe I will have to write a book on how to train a LARGE BREED dog.

To the People Who Are Recieving Our Christmas Card Late, aka those of you who failed to inform us that you moved and the original card got returned to us: Pardon the Hannukah and Happy Birthday stamps. Apparently when the post office is in transition to a new stamp, you are given NO OPTION on what kinds you can buy in the interim.

To The New Year: Look out! This woman on a mission is really on a roll! All things are possible! I look forward to the challenges and blessings the New Year will bring to me, to this home and to my family!

Happy New Year Everyone!

As you all know (or should if you’re truly a faithful, devoted reader. Ahem) I recently got a DVR. This weekend, I have been putting it to the test, recording classics like “Casablanca”, “The Philadelphia Story” and “Sunset Boulevard”. Today I decided to take a break and enjoy my time off and watch one of my recordings. I chose “The Blue Collar Comedy Tour Movie”.

Oh. My. God.

I have laughed so hard I have tears pouring down my face. I have scared the cat. I have annoyed the dog. I have truly not laughed this hard since…well…since I last spent time with my cough*redneck*cough family.

If you have not seen this, dear god, find it on Comedy Central and watch it. If you have seen it, how do you still sleep at night?! I don’t care who you are, that’s funny stuff right there!

P.S. Someone out there tell me there is a sequel to this movie.

My senior year of college I took the GRE. I was having so much fun as an Assistant Residence Director that I wanted to continue on as a Graduate Assistant in Residential Life. Only my college didn’t offer grad courses. So I took the necessary tests, and voyaged to Osh Kosh, Wisconsin for a huge interviewing weekend for GA’s in Res Life. Trouble was I had no idea or ambition as to what I wanted to STUDY while in Grad School. I just knew that academia was a cool place from which I never wanted to leave. A perpetual student I would be. Several schools offered me GA positions, but due to my upcoming marriage, and his local job, we decided to stay put and not pursue them.

I got married the day before I graduated college and my mom passed away three short months later. Having spent the summer caring for her, I had no job waiting for me when we finally settled into married life. I substitute taught trying to get a full-time teaching position, something I desperately desired, until I found out a couple years later that we were unexpectedly expecting.

I had the incredible privilege of staying home with LM until I moved out. I was grateful for not having taught before, as it made it easier to stay home having never had two full salaries in the house to begin with. When I pursued the divorce, however, not only did I have to come to terms with ending our marriage, I had to accept the fact that it meant I could no longer be home with LM. I had to support us both. I wanted to go back to school. Ultimately, I wanted to teach college English courses. I needed my masters at the very least.

It had been more than five years since my first shot at the GRE so I studied all over again and took the test with all hopes of getting high enough verbal scores to land me at a decent school. I did. But what was even more surprising to me at the time was that my analytical skills were much much higher than my verbal. In the midst of trying to secure a GA to help fund this quest back into college, my soon-to-be ex announced that he thought juggling school and a child was too much for me to handle, and he wanted full custody. Then and there I ended my dream of going to Grad school.

The funny part to me is I’m so glad I didn’t go. Teaching college English would have required me to play the tenure game; to get published routinely and in all the right places. To move about from university to college and back again until I was able to settle into a “home” that I would then work at for the rest of my life. I would never have been happy. Or so I would guess.

When I was married, I wanted a houseful of kids. Five was the number I spoke often, much to the dismay of my then husband. Now I know that had we actually had more than one, maybe not five, but even two or three, I don’t know how I would have gotten to where I am. There would be still younger ones at home, I wouldn’t be able to take this new job without paying half my salary to child care. As much as I hold out hope that more kids will come into our lives in some manner, right now today I see how having one has made more things possible.

My analytical side, shockingly well demonstrated on the GRE, has finally turned inward. I have finally taken a good long look at the forest and I have seen exactly why certain trees were planted, and why some died. I have finally realized that this life might be my own, but ultimately, it is lived harmoniously when I allow God to take the wheel. Let go, Let God. I’ve heard it, but I’m just now seeing it in my own life.

I am already looking ahead to 2006 and making my list of resolutions. They almost always say the same things. Lose weight, stop swearing, save more money, blah, blah, blah. My analytical side, however has decided the best approach is to simply let God lead. Great things have happened over the last few months since I have turned things over. This woman on a mission, empowered by God, has gotten a great grip on her finances, changed jobs and negotiated a raise in salary!

One of these days, I know that God will open my heart and my life to a new relationship. One that never would have been possible if I had stayed with my ex and played the game, shutting out my heart. I will allow God to work on that plan, and to bring that person in when we are both ready for each other. I trust that He knows far better than I do what “type” of man is best for me!

As 2006 draws near, I look forward to starting my new job, on continuing to work towards the financial goals I have set for myself. I look forward to the challenges and joys that will come as a parent this year and all the lessons LM will teach me. Most of all, I look forward to the revelations of all that God has in store for us.

Let Go, Let God.

P.S. If you haven’t read, The Five People You Meet In Heaven I urge you to do so. No one in our lives is insignificant. And perspective on life is sometimes all we need to glimpse heaven. (For those who prefer not to actually READ, it’s also a movie.)

P.P.S. G is back home from his trip to my dad’s. My package is waiting at the post office for him tomorrow. I begged him not to open it at work but to wait until evening. I’ll let you know how the album goes over.

We went to the Bark Park yesterday, a visit that was long overdue. With 50 degree temperatures and snow melting as fast as it had fallen, the park was nothing but a big mud pit. We had intended to stop for a bath on the way home anyway, but this trip made a bath mandatory!

We met ‘Dempsey’ a 7 month old Boxer that we hope to run into again. He was as energetic as the day was long, not intimidated by Gabe in the least and just wanted to play! They tugged on each others’ ears, jumped on each others’ backs (in the perverted way, too) and had so much fun!

Gabe wore out finally and just layed his sorry self in the mud and let the puppers jumpe and climb all over him. It was just too cute.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Even when Gabe got so tired he had to lay down, Dempsey kept trying to get him to play!

Gabe and Dempsey (a 7 month old boxer) had a great time in the mud!

A visit to Bark Park means we all need a bath

Each evening, LM and I do “H.A.L.T” over dinner. We discuss our High’s, Lows And Thanks (I know, that’s really HLAT- work with me here) we even throw in something we’re proud of that day. LM is already gone to Pittsburgh for the holiday, so tonight, you’ll have to listen to my HALT.

Low: (we always get lows out of the way first) My low was having my ex show up way earlier than I was expecting to take Jacob to Pittsburgh. I wanted a few hours with LM to just enjoy being done with my job, and getting ready for our Christmas next Wednesday.

High: Leaving my job. Being done. I feel so good about my decision to leave. The chairman of our board never ONCE said a word to me personally or even in email about me leaving. I’m glad to move on.

Thanks: I am thankful for my sister’s sense of humor. Tonight, on the phone with her, she actually said, “hold on a second” and put the phone down so she could blow dry her hair for two minutes. When she got back on the phone, to the sounds of my uproarious laughter, she said, “I know this will be in your blog later!” She doesn’t read my blog (yet) but it was heartwarming to me to see her take it all with humor!! I love my sis!!

Something I am proud of: I am very proud of myself for laughing WITH and not AT my ex husband when I saw his “Support Our Troops: BoyScouts” bumper sticker on the car he just bought. The sticker belongs to the previous owner, but I just couldn’t believe J hadn’t taken it off first thing. He saw the irony and thought it was kinda funny, too. It was actually WAY FREAKING FUNNY but I showed restraint. Sorta. (If you don’t get the irony, realize my ex husband is gay and the BoyScouts are one of the most vocal organizations about their opposition to homosexuality.) See? Isn’t it kinda funny? I’m telling ya, ya gotta find the humor in the situation.

If you’re feeling up to the challenge, tell me your H.A.L.T. Better yet, if you can find a better acronym to represent highs, lows, thanks and something to be proud of, I’d love to hear it! (Some families call it thorns and roses, for example).

I’m a lame duck. Not a news flash to many of you, but with only today and a half day tomorrow left at my icky job, I’m little more than a lame duck. I sat and watched (happily mind you) as someone else in the office did my usual things (they were not nearly so happy about it). I cleaned off the walls of my cubicle. I stared at an email merge while it processed 500 emails. We went to our “holiday lunch” at 1. Talked about this woman’s son who has size 18 shoes. No one went back to the office afterwards. I made a quick stop at the comic book store (I hope to retire on the collective worth of these blasted things when I’m old. I’m paying $3 apiece now, I figure they’ll be worth about $1 then but by the sheer volume, we should have a million easily).

Cable guy came tonight. Only it was a different cable guy so I didn’t get to see his shock and disappointment when he found me to be a brunette. We now have a functioning DVR but doesn’t it figure there’s NOTHING on the tv tonight that I even want to watch more or less save for another day.

The highlight of my day tomorrow (other than of course jumping for joy at never driving over an hour to work again) is that I will finally be able to wrap several of the gifts I have and to put them all under the tree!!! I can’t wait!!

At least football will be back on in the next day or so with the 100 bowl games that will occur over the next 2 weeks. Just to forewarn you in case you don’t already see this coming, I’m no fun at all to be around after the SuperBowl is over. I start watching golf and Nascar is on in late February, but I have to go through football withdrawal and it isn’t pretty. Not. Pretty. At. All.

I turned on the tele around 9 tonight, didn’t find much on. Looked through the guide and saw that “Scarface” with Al Pacino was on. Never saw it, now seemed as good of a time as any.

I’m used to watching shows that are outside of my demographic. I’m a single, 34 year old female with a child. Yet I never (NEVER) turn on Lifetime, H&G channel or Bravo. (except for the occasional “Actors Studio”) I’m an ESPN girl. If it’s not sports, it’s not on my tv. This year I watched Lost and Survivor but neither are normally my shows. About the only “family” show I watch is the Amazing Race.

All that is to say that I’m used to watching commercials that don’t interest me at all. They aren’t geared towards women, or mothers. But watching Scarface is more interesting for the commercials that they are showing. I’m clearly very very VERY far from the normal demographic for this movie. The commercials have been as follows: “Wolf Creek”, Sleep Number Bed, “The Ringer”, WWF, James Bond movies, Xbox, Jack Daniels, Diamonds, Axe Body Spray, Gillette razors, Sprint/Nextel, ATV’s/Dirt Bikes, Grand Theft Auto, Campbell’s Chunky Soup, Tanqueray, “Serenity”, and Victoria’s Secret.

How interesting it must be to be a man. Seriously. Violence, horror, alcohol, sex appeal, manly toys, video games full of violence and soup?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll take some of that over diaper and tampon ads anyday. At least the soup and diamonds anyway.