I have just lost two hours of my life trying with all my might to post a LANDSCAPE photograph under my header – cause, ya know, I’ve seen that and I sooo dig it, but no. Can’t do it. It is probably the simplest of things but I cannot figure it out. So you’ll have to do with my new photo feature on the right, the first photo of which I’m totally not happy with because it’s really a much better photo in its LANDSCAPE entirety but Blogger doesn’t like that.

Ugh.

Last month, at an inservice meeting for our new literacy curriculum, our instructor asked us what the following words have in common:

My answer? They all describe men I’ve dated.

What?! That was incorrect? Perhaps so, but it’s still true.

When you have amazingly great news that you can’t share.

:)/:(

Walking to the car in the garage (try to follow in your best English accent):

Flash: “Okay, so this is how it’s going to go down. You’re going to stay in the car and Sam and I are going in. When we get back out gun it.”

Me: “Sam? You’re taking Sam? After the last time?”

Flash: “What’s wrong with Sam?”

Me: “I don’t have time to list all the things wrong with Sam. But after the last time, I thought we agreed, no more Sam.”

Flash: “But he’s good with a gun!”

Me: “Sam? Good with a gun? That’s precisely the problem! Sam isn’t good with a gun at all!”

Flash: “I didn’t say a real gun. I gave him a pellet gun this time.”

Me: “How is a pellet gun going to help us?”

Flash: “Well, Sam doesn’t actually have to shoot anybody, he just has to look as though he might.”

Me: “Yes, this is exactly what we told Sam to do last time. Have you forgotten about the last time?”

Flash: “Of course I haven’t forgotten. Have you forgotten what it was like before we had Sam?”

After getting movies, and returning to our car:

Flash: “Okay, you’re right, Sam was a bad idea.”

Me: “How many times are we going to have to go through this? I don’t want Sam involved. Everytime we use Sam we come out empty handed!”

Flash: “It wasn’t Sam’s fault this time!”

Me: “Wasn’t Sam’s fault?! He stood right in the doorway under the video surveillance with his pellet gun and threatened the cashier! How is that NOT Sam’s fault?”

Flash: “Okay, he’s not exactly perfect, but you have to admit, he’s pretty good for a dog.”

Me: “Unless there’s a squirrel or cat – just like last time.”

Flash: “Well, yes, we know this about Sam. But the jobs that don’t involve squirrels or cats are surely better with Sam involved.”

Me: “Except you just can’t predict which jobs might involve a squirrel or cat.”

After getting snacks at the grocery store, Flash returns to the car, saying:

Flash: “Go! Hurry! They’re on my tail! Like literally, for Sam!”

Me: “But you didn’t get what we came for!”

Flash: “Yes I did, it’s right here in my hand!”

Me: “I didn’t say get Fluff, I said, ‘get the STUFF!'”

Flash: “They didn’t have stuff, so I got fluff! Besides, it’s cheap and we’re on a budget!”

Me: “We’re not on a budget! We’re trying to steal from them! We don’t want Fluff! We needed the stuff!”

Flash: “It was either Fluff or jail, fluff or jail, I like Fluff. Besides, you know what Sam’s like in jail…”

and so it goes. Each and every time we head to the car lately. I tell you, who has conversations like this with their teen?! (And why oh why do I?!)

“Hey Mom? I wanna try skydiving!”

“What on earth made you think of that just now, Flash?”

“I thought of it when I jumped off the ledge just now.”

“Jumping off the ledge isn’t anything like skydiving, Flash.”

“The only difference is the time you hit the ground, Mom.”

“Point taken, Flash.”

“Hey, Flash! Check out this book Stacy just sent me! Read the title!”

“Ella Minnow Pea? Where have I heard that before? I swear I know that from someplace. ‘Ella Minnow Pea’…?”

“Um, Flash? L, M, N, O, P…?”

“Oh, right. That’s it.”

I cannot begin to articulate how badly my day stunk. One of those days where despite the fact that I’ve been covering for a co-worker (my boss) who is out on medical leave (for the past many months) without any added benefit, today was a day of pointing fingers in my very specific direction. Without cause.

So yeah, a feel-good kind of a why-can’t-I-just-quit-my-job kind of a day.

It’s all because of this new literacy curriculum we’re learning this year – curriculum I really enjoy and love and believe in. I’m sure it’s not without its faults, but in general, I believe that giving children the tools necessary to decode our compicated language is a step in the right direction.

So, I sat through a day-long inservice where we were supposed to be covering new material and instead…well, it just was ugly and not fun at all.

So I arrive home looking forward to my once-a-week dinner to myself (while Flash is at youth group, I enjoy a little solitude) trying to shake the stress of this day and wishing that I could be working with a team of enthusiastic teachers on this new curriculum when I spy a box by my back door. The box we all love – the one that says it’s from Amazon, the heaven of all boxed surprises!

I told Flash he had a package (his birthday was a week ago – what, I haven’t blogged about that?!?) and then saw my name on the label. I immediately squealed and said, “It’s from Stacy! It’s from Stacy!” ’cause I know my dear, amazing friend, Stacy has this amazing ability to know exactly what to say and do at exactly the moment I need her to say or do those things. She is full of grace and generosity with word, deed and spirit and can transform a difficult moment in my life into a blessing just by her perspective. In short, I adore her, and I KNOW she is an angel that God has placed in my life.

The box contained two books. One that is what appears to be, a delightful tale that has to do with language and letters.

Do you see what I mean? Just as I was wishing for SOMEONE to appreciate our language and the joy of learning it – it is Stacy to my rescue. Saying here, read this book alongside me so we can talk about it!

I don’t have the words to articulate my gratitude, today, Stace. You are an amazing gift in my life – one that you may never truly understand the magnitude of. I love you, too!!

I have a profile on Plenty of Fish.com, which is a free internet dating site. I refuse to pay to meet someone online (I think it’s a lame way to meet people, but since I’m not meeting them any other way…) so there it is.

Just so you marrieds have an idea of what it’s like on the other side of the fence, I thought I would share a day in my life.

I get an email. An email that notifies me of mail at POF. I get home and check my POF inbox. There’s mail from some guy I haven’t corresponded with previously.

Step One: read his profile. Even before I read the email he sent, I want an idea of who sent this. His profile mentions things like, “in search of a family oriented, well educated, fun loving woman…” “I enjoy spending time on Sundays watching football or playing with my kids”, blah, blah blah. But what really catches my eye is this line, “if we do not mack good chat and feel it gooding good on the date than it will not work”” or if we see it all hot,chat is good. than we will go there.” Um, what?!?!

Yeah, so being that well-educated woman, I’m a little concerned. I decide that it doesn’t matter what his email says, he’ll get a polite, “I don’t think we’re a good match” line.

His email reads, “come to your area on the 15th for my football game. look at my profile and my wecan meet that sat night or not the wab page in in my profile.. hopw you been?”

Yeah, so about that…I send my polite but firm rejection, wondering what on earth I do to deserve this. I get a reply that’s more entertaining than the rest of this… “i see that is ok i am dateing 2 woman now full time. got to love a good 3way gf bf gf there moveing in this week. andi have been friend for 10 yr with both of the woman move in work good .. thank you for your time and bye”

Well, now that we got that cleared up…

Hug your spouse. Appreciate the things s/he does even if they drive you nuts sometimes. When you say your prayers tonight be grateful you’re not out here in the dating world.

Sigh.

I was talking to a boy last night, one I’ve talked to a couple of times and plan to meet for coffee later on today (Coffee= The New First Date). He was talking about Ephesians 5, and the desire he has to replicate his parent’s marriage with the sort described in those verses.

Potatoes!