Author amykoehn

Thanksgiving

amykoehn 1 Comment

I know I’m a few days late on my Gratitude List, but when your one and only computer spent the vacation in Pittsburgh, well, some things have to be put on hold.  But here it is:

1.  For my salvation.  No matter what challenges life throws at me, I know I will have an eternal life in Heaven and that this life is only the blink of an eye in comparison.  I am so grateful that I serve a Loving God and that he thinks of me not only as His precious child but as His inheritance!
2.  For LM.  I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure I was even going to stop the car in Ohio to drop him off, I was thinking more of opening the door and giving him a big shove (let’s just say he left out some key details in the planning of the drop off, further aggravating his already parentally-exhausted mother) but it’s just not the same around here without him.  There were some things I was able to do easier while he was gone, but overall, I missed having him with me for the holiday.  As he sits beside me on the couch playing Star Wars on the PS2, all feels right again with the world (even if he did cause further complications during the pick up in Ohio today due again, to the oversight of key details).
3.  For living here in Michigan.  Yes, I hate the winter and it’s certainly upon us, but I was able to spend Thanksgiving at my sister’s, and then again, most of the day Friday vegging (well, I vegged, my sister never vegges) on Friday and I’ll be back out there a couple times this week to celebrate birthdays.  It’s really wonderful to see them more often than ONLY at the holidays.
4.  For the rest of my family that isn’t here in Michigan.  My dad and brother, with full bellies and generous spirits, they spent a chunk of their Thanksgiving day laying out a plan of attack for MY Black Friday shopping.  
5.  That TB introduced us to such a wonderful, loving church this summer.  As I walked alone into services on Thursday, several people asked with concern where my son was and I was invited to more than one Thanksgiving dinner when they feared I was alone for the holiday.  It was a wonderful reminder of all the love and support that abounds within Christ’s Church!
Happy Belated Thanksgiving!  May we learn to express gratitude every day!

Gone

amykoehn 1 Comment

The computer is on vacation again. More accurately, LM is and he’s taking this ancient technology with him. Which leaves me stranded for five days without internet and to boot, we have no television.

Did I mention I finished my book?

And that my Christmas shopping is nearly done?

My cards are on the table, addressed, written, stamped and ready to mail?

Yeah, it’s going to be a long five days.

Once, This Summer

amykoehn 1 Comment

This summer I fell in love. With an idea. With a family. With being loved and appreciated and feeling like a mom again.

And there was this guy. And I thought, Wow. He has so much going for him. A great job that he’s worked so hard to acquire and accomplish. Great kids, supportive family.

But he didn’t see it that way. He felt tired, and bogged down. He felt like giving up and giving in. He complained about his ex, about his life, about his situation.

And finally I stopped seeing the great guy because all I could see was this pessimist.

But even now, if you catch me in a moment, maybe after a glass of wine, maybe on a lonely Thursday night, I might still see a glimpse of that great guy. The one I never really met, but the one I knew was out there. I wanted a strong Christian. He said he was both, I saw neither.
And so I sit at home deflated wishing I could meet that great guy. The one I thought existed, but the one that never surfaced.

There’s one that wants to see me sometimes, but he can’t make a decision, can’t hold his own head up, doesn’t see his worth and has to force a smile. He’s not the one for me.

But once, this summer, I thought he was.

Done

amykoehn 5 Comments

I told LM I would only need the computer for an hour.  My estimate wasn’t even close.  Perhaps he gets his writing ability from his mother after all.  

It took me four hours but I finally finished it.  52,897 words.
I raced over to the NaNoWriMo website to upload my novel.  I’m not one to upload as I go, I don’t need a bar graph to show me my progress, I nag at myself every day.  But when I uploaded my novel in it’s entirety (well, this year’s half anyway) nothing happened.  There was no “Congratulations!” screen.  There was no confetti.  There was no cheering from the peanut gallery.
It would seem I finished too early.  The verifications and winning don’t start until the 25th.  I finished my novel too early.
I have to say, that even without any fanfare, even if my son, my biggest fan, is still playing his PS2 game, completely unfazed by the fact that his mother just completed her first novel (see, now I have to start putting the word ‘first’ in there) I still feel different.
As I was explaining to LM earlier, I am able to scratch off one of those “things to do before I die” items.  And I’ve never done that before.

Waiting On a Woman

amykoehn 1 Comment

It’s a great Brad Paisley song if you haven’t heard it.  About an old man talking with a younger man about how he’s always ‘waiting on a woman’.  It’s just cool and sweet and all things wonderful and I was humming it when I entered the mall and made a beeline for the bathroom.

When I emerged, there he sat.  Just like the song said, sitting on a bench in a mall.  And I wondered,  could it be?
Was it really him?
Waiting on the Missus?
He wasn’t wearing his coat but there was no mistaking it.  Mr. Claus himself was sitting on a bench outside the restrooms.  I would have liked to have waited around to see if the Missus came out, but I had shopping to do.  But it sure made me smile.

The Book

amykoehn 4 Comments

I crossed the 40,000 word mark tonight.  It’s really the 90,000 word mark for the book in total, and I’m starting to shift towards the ending.  It may take me more than 10,000 more words to get to the ending, but it’s nearing.  I can feel it.

It’s been a journey unlike any other this year.  My characters have surprised me and I thought I owned them.   The story has made me laugh, cry and shudder with complete disbelief that I can, in fact write thousands upon thousands of pages of complete drivel.
I’m not there yet.  I have eleven more days and about as many thousand words to go.  But it’s coming.  I can feel it.  My characters can, too.   Things are about to resolve in the way that made sense all along but wasn’t the initial path chosen.  Oooh how I can relate.
In any case, I have to say I have not done many things in my life that left me with a feeling such as the one that I’m beginning to possess.  I’m actually about to finish the first draft of my first novel.  
When I was little, I remember my mother saying I was going to be one of three things: a teacher, a lawyer, or a writer.   Somehow it does my heart good to think she was right on the two counts I agree with.  (Although there are days I think this parenting thing really is lawyering.  Ahem.)
Even if this book is nothing more than kindling for the fire, I will be able to say I did it once.
And that is all that matters.
And I can cross that off my list of things to do before Heaven.

For Want of a Good Man

amykoehn 5 Comments

I went out last night.  No, I didn’t make a sale on eBay, LM was at a youth group overnighter at church and I took advantage of the time.

I learned many things in the course of one evening.  I thought I would share a few.
1.  Even when you tried to think as yourself and strictly a single woman, even when you chose clothes from your closet that you don’t wear to church or to school, even when you adorn yourself in otherwise unused jewelry and make up, you can be rudely yanked back into the role of parent when your child calls you at the bar to say he forgot something he needed from you and could you please drive back across town to remedy the situation?
2.  It’s an entirely different experience, this going out thing, when you are accompanied by a very beautiful woman.  I don’t know if she entirely sees the difference (because she just lives it) but it was really fascinating to witness.  While it has it’s obvious perks, I do not envy her.
3.  You can get a man to buy you a drink with four coins and a cute smile.  I watched it happen.  More than once.  I suspect, if I had been forced to try it, I would have been more impressed with a man who wasn’t outwitted so easily than the one forced to buy the drink.  I didn’t see that happen, unfortunately.  
4.  Stoli, while the cheap drink special, will never be my drink of choice.
5.  It is very easy to “rule a guy out” when he follows up the disclosure that I work in an elementary school with a response that corporal punishment should never have been taken out of the public school system.  I was grateful (and I hoped this help to explain his position) to learn that he was not a parent.
6.  I will never understand the desire of those who regularly go out, to bar hop.  I completely enjoyed the first place we were at.  As well as the second, certainly the third, and of course the fourth.  I just didn’t know why we needed to cover all that ground in one night.  But I did quickly realize it’s the thing to do, as I saw the same people at all four places.  I’m not sure who was leading and who was following but in any case, we were all there together.
7.  A warm coat is critical when bar hopping will be in effect, but it’s completely impractical once you are inside.  It’s as much of a burden as a pocketbook.  
8.  There is nothing impressive about a man who tries to win you over by showing you pictures of his 7 year old son, only to refer to this beautiful child as “my nigga!!!” with great enthusiasm and passion.
9.  I will never be able to drink AND play pool.  I am getting too old to keep trying.
10.  The song “Ice Ice Baby” needs to die. It needs to never be played again.  Ever.
11.  It is critically important to inform foreigners at a bar of an 80’s convention being held locally for fear they would report back to their nation our country’s complete lack of fashion sense.
12.  Never underestimate the power of music.  If you begin to doubt, go to a piano bar and watch the unanimous and simultaneous reaction to songs like “Purple Rain,” “Jack and Diane,” or “Don’t Stop Believin'”
13.  Even if you spent an hour getting ready for the evening, when it comes down to it, at 1am, all you really want is to put your hair in a pony and to borrow a baseball cap.  And sometimes a boy will be just kind enough to lend one to you.
14.  It will never cease to amaze me that we women still spend hours getting ready to go out, to be surrounded by men very happily (and comfortably) adorned in jeans, sneakers and baseball caps.
15.  Getting kissed at the end of a night out can be divine.  But sometimes, not getting kissed by the wrong guy can be divine, too.
16.  I am not the sort of person to ever buy a dress or an outfit and then plan an event around it.  But I can now officially say I know someone who would.
17.  You know you are too old to come in at 2:15 in the morning when it is your pre-teen son’s alarm clock going off at 5:45 that wakes you up.
18.  Even if you had a great night out, even if the food was amazing and the company was fun and you pulled it off without breaking your budget.  Even if it all went well and you have no complaints, in the morning, when you wake up and realize you’re back to your parenting role again, you will welcome it with open arms and a glad heart.
19.  People who think dating is fun haven’t done it very long.  Or met the right person early on in the game.
20.  Above all else, I know this much to be true:  meeting a man at a bar (or online) is not the start of the love story I want to write for myself.  

Sad

amykoehn 2 Comments

It’s sad when you have a laptop so old that despite having the perfect opportunity to sit at Panera’s for a couple of hours and work on your novel (I’m just dying for someone to ask me so I can give that honest answer) the laptop takes a full 40 minutes to boot, and has no battery to speak of making it impossible to set up and run.

It’s really sad when you (instead) schlepp yourself to the public library in town (while your son is at youth group doing something as altruistic as raking wet leaves in the pitch dark) to try to beckon the creative muses in your life to get another thousand words squeaked out by tomorrow.
It’s really really sad when you cannot concentrate on your novel (again, I just like to say that) because the woman in the cubicle next to you at the library is too busy talking on her cell phone.  You now know all of her grades (all A’s, except one F), that her mother does NOT want her walking to the bank alone and all the things she had to say to someone who seemed to be a best friend.  And it’s only after she has been talking for a half hour that the library attendant decides to speak with her about their “minimal use” cell phone policy.
It’s the saddest of all, however, when, sitting in this very public place, in the antithesis of a safe, intimate environment, you find yourself crying – CRYING – at the words YOU ARE WRITING in your novel (again, I just…well, you get it).  Yes, I knew that part of the plot was coming, I’ve clearly known it all along.  I just didn’t know how it would feel.  And now I do.  And I think, it’s very very sad.
Me AND the plot.  We’re both very very sad.

For Those Who Wondered

amykoehn 3 Comments

If a 12 year old still resides at my address, the answer is yes.  If you’re wondering if he’ll see the light of day anytime soon, the answer is probably a no.  If you asked if the lessons had been learned and progress was being shown, the answer would be a resounding no.

Even tonight, when he had editing to finish for the 3 page essay that has taken nearly 20 hours to write, he still chose to do other fun things before getting down to task.  And when I bailed him out from hours of retyping (ancient computer lacking normal Microsoft Office products = a finicky computer that won’t always open your document leaving fast-typing mothers to offer to retype the paper from the hard copy so edits can be made and the paper can be reprinted in this century) I realized the essay?  Is horrible.
Sigh.
Do you think I could get any sort of  a deal for a boy and two cats on eBay?