Author amykoehn

Twelve

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I have a hard time believing my own child is twelve, but Birdy?  How can that be?  I remember waiting for the call, knowing my sister was in labor, waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to call and say Birdy had been born.  I remember talking with my dad and he said, “It’s okay, Amy, I just saw a cardinal out on the tree”  I know it won’t mean anything to someone who isn’t in my family, but to us, that means Mom is there, and if Mom is there, everything is going to be okay.  And it was.  Birdy was born and she was beautiful and amazing and so tiny!!!

And now she’s twelve.  My niece is twelve.  I cannot believe it.
The snow might be flying and the roads might be slick but that wasn’t going to stop us from seeing Birdy on her birthday.  I’d have lots of great pics but I put the boy in charge of the camera and that means we have two that aren’t blurry and one that shows her face.
Happy Birthday Birdy!!!  We love you!!

Jules

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She wasn’t excited about her birthday.  I can understand that.  A sentiment of inverse proportions.  As the numbers increase it seems as though the enthusiasm for the day decreases.  It’s easy to see why, on George’s birthday, he brought treats to school, got to be the Star of the Week in class, wore a crown and got to have a guest eat lunch with him.  He had a party with a whole mess of his closest friends and relatives and had cupcakes that turned his mouth blue.  My sister?  Spent her day working, dealing with work related problems that were frustrating and time consuming.  Had to come to school to calm a panicked child (George was afraid he was going to miss all her birthday excitement by going to a friend’s party tonight).    It’s no fun turning 29 for the 10th time, is it, Jules?

But in fact, it was.  We went to dinner (minus George who was busy – and happy – playing laser tag) and we ate cake (1/5 my sister’s favorite, 4/5 a flavor the rest of us could stomach).  She opened gifts once George returned home and we even sang to her (complete with “cha-cha-cha’s).  
Minus the crown, I’d say she had a splendid day.
I hope the rest of her 39th year is splendid as well.
Happy Birthday, Jules!!!

Black Friday

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I’ve never done it before.  I kind of hope I’ll never do it again.  But my brother was exactly right (and I do NOT say that often, so take note, write it down, make a record) he said, “You will come away from Black Friday thinking I am NEVER going to do that again, and then hours later, when you’ve recuperated, you’ll feel elation at what you accomplished.

The Plan: go to Best Buy, camp out, spend the night in the cold in the parking lot (ohhhh to live in Arizona for this occasion) and to walk away with a lap top or two.  (Background: I desperately need a new computer for me.  LM and I are sharing his ancient piece of, well, I’m reluctant to even call it technology.  I’ve been without my own for nearly a year now and it’s wearing on us both.  To boot, LM’s other half of his family pooled together funds and had the budget if I could perhaps get a good deal.)  Back to the story, I had planned to arrive at Best Buy around 10 Thursday night, but I was unable to nap and decided I would head over earlier and sit in the parking lot. 
When I arrived, there were no less than 15 tents already up and more than 40 people in line already waiting.  I was stunned.  A woman in front of me told me the story from last year, that the people at the front (generally thought to be local college students) had gotten as many tickets as possible for every item and then sold them for $50 to people further back in the line).  I was discouraged.  I called my brother.  He immediately referred to the spreadsheet they had put together for this exact purpose and guided me to Office Depot instead, telling me about my options there.
I was the second person to arrive at O.D.  The short of the story is that I did stay all night, but was able to stay in my car until 5am as I was with very courteous people and none of us wanted to freeze.  At 5:45 I was given two tickets, one for each of the laptops I wanted and I went with glee back to my car to warm up until the store opened 15 minutes later.  
I was back home, had the dog out and back in and was in bed by 6:30 am.  I was exhausted.  Never, even in my college days, did I ever pull an all-nighter and I had my doubts at 4am that I was going to be able to pull this one off, but when I collapsed into bed, I did feel a slight bit of elation despite my exhaustion and severe headache.
It really wasn’t until Saturday when it all sank in.  I called my dad (about to board a cruise ship for back to back Caribbean cruises – oh, to retire like my dad and second mom) and thanked him profusely.  His Christmas money for me, plus his support and encouragement, had made this possible.  I had, in my possession, a new computer.  And, with his father’s help, I had a Christmas gift for LM that was beyond his wildest dreams.
I don’t encourage shopping on a holiday and I hate the materialistic side of Christmas, but I must admit, I am simply giddy over several gifts that I am giving this year and the joy that they will bring to their recipients.   And I am thrilled about a box under the tree with my name on it that will allow me to pursue more of the things I love at my leisure.  
Now, to just wait until Christmas to open it….
OH, and LM doesn’t know about any of it.  So, he will first have the surprise of the new home computer and later will have the added HUGE bonus of one for himself.   Does this get any better?

Thanksgiving

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I know I’m a few days late on my Gratitude List, but when your one and only computer spent the vacation in Pittsburgh, well, some things have to be put on hold.  But here it is:

1.  For my salvation.  No matter what challenges life throws at me, I know I will have an eternal life in Heaven and that this life is only the blink of an eye in comparison.  I am so grateful that I serve a Loving God and that he thinks of me not only as His precious child but as His inheritance!
2.  For LM.  I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure I was even going to stop the car in Ohio to drop him off, I was thinking more of opening the door and giving him a big shove (let’s just say he left out some key details in the planning of the drop off, further aggravating his already parentally-exhausted mother) but it’s just not the same around here without him.  There were some things I was able to do easier while he was gone, but overall, I missed having him with me for the holiday.  As he sits beside me on the couch playing Star Wars on the PS2, all feels right again with the world (even if he did cause further complications during the pick up in Ohio today due again, to the oversight of key details).
3.  For living here in Michigan.  Yes, I hate the winter and it’s certainly upon us, but I was able to spend Thanksgiving at my sister’s, and then again, most of the day Friday vegging (well, I vegged, my sister never vegges) on Friday and I’ll be back out there a couple times this week to celebrate birthdays.  It’s really wonderful to see them more often than ONLY at the holidays.
4.  For the rest of my family that isn’t here in Michigan.  My dad and brother, with full bellies and generous spirits, they spent a chunk of their Thanksgiving day laying out a plan of attack for MY Black Friday shopping.  
5.  That TB introduced us to such a wonderful, loving church this summer.  As I walked alone into services on Thursday, several people asked with concern where my son was and I was invited to more than one Thanksgiving dinner when they feared I was alone for the holiday.  It was a wonderful reminder of all the love and support that abounds within Christ’s Church!
Happy Belated Thanksgiving!  May we learn to express gratitude every day!

Gone

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The computer is on vacation again. More accurately, LM is and he’s taking this ancient technology with him. Which leaves me stranded for five days without internet and to boot, we have no television.

Did I mention I finished my book?

And that my Christmas shopping is nearly done?

My cards are on the table, addressed, written, stamped and ready to mail?

Yeah, it’s going to be a long five days.

Once, This Summer

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This summer I fell in love. With an idea. With a family. With being loved and appreciated and feeling like a mom again.

And there was this guy. And I thought, Wow. He has so much going for him. A great job that he’s worked so hard to acquire and accomplish. Great kids, supportive family.

But he didn’t see it that way. He felt tired, and bogged down. He felt like giving up and giving in. He complained about his ex, about his life, about his situation.

And finally I stopped seeing the great guy because all I could see was this pessimist.

But even now, if you catch me in a moment, maybe after a glass of wine, maybe on a lonely Thursday night, I might still see a glimpse of that great guy. The one I never really met, but the one I knew was out there. I wanted a strong Christian. He said he was both, I saw neither.
And so I sit at home deflated wishing I could meet that great guy. The one I thought existed, but the one that never surfaced.

There’s one that wants to see me sometimes, but he can’t make a decision, can’t hold his own head up, doesn’t see his worth and has to force a smile. He’s not the one for me.

But once, this summer, I thought he was.

Done

amykoehn 5 Comments

I told LM I would only need the computer for an hour.  My estimate wasn’t even close.  Perhaps he gets his writing ability from his mother after all.  

It took me four hours but I finally finished it.  52,897 words.
I raced over to the NaNoWriMo website to upload my novel.  I’m not one to upload as I go, I don’t need a bar graph to show me my progress, I nag at myself every day.  But when I uploaded my novel in it’s entirety (well, this year’s half anyway) nothing happened.  There was no “Congratulations!” screen.  There was no confetti.  There was no cheering from the peanut gallery.
It would seem I finished too early.  The verifications and winning don’t start until the 25th.  I finished my novel too early.
I have to say, that even without any fanfare, even if my son, my biggest fan, is still playing his PS2 game, completely unfazed by the fact that his mother just completed her first novel (see, now I have to start putting the word ‘first’ in there) I still feel different.
As I was explaining to LM earlier, I am able to scratch off one of those “things to do before I die” items.  And I’ve never done that before.

Waiting On a Woman

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It’s a great Brad Paisley song if you haven’t heard it.  About an old man talking with a younger man about how he’s always ‘waiting on a woman’.  It’s just cool and sweet and all things wonderful and I was humming it when I entered the mall and made a beeline for the bathroom.

When I emerged, there he sat.  Just like the song said, sitting on a bench in a mall.  And I wondered,  could it be?
Was it really him?
Waiting on the Missus?
He wasn’t wearing his coat but there was no mistaking it.  Mr. Claus himself was sitting on a bench outside the restrooms.  I would have liked to have waited around to see if the Missus came out, but I had shopping to do.  But it sure made me smile.

The Book

amykoehn 4 Comments

I crossed the 40,000 word mark tonight.  It’s really the 90,000 word mark for the book in total, and I’m starting to shift towards the ending.  It may take me more than 10,000 more words to get to the ending, but it’s nearing.  I can feel it.

It’s been a journey unlike any other this year.  My characters have surprised me and I thought I owned them.   The story has made me laugh, cry and shudder with complete disbelief that I can, in fact write thousands upon thousands of pages of complete drivel.
I’m not there yet.  I have eleven more days and about as many thousand words to go.  But it’s coming.  I can feel it.  My characters can, too.   Things are about to resolve in the way that made sense all along but wasn’t the initial path chosen.  Oooh how I can relate.
In any case, I have to say I have not done many things in my life that left me with a feeling such as the one that I’m beginning to possess.  I’m actually about to finish the first draft of my first novel.  
When I was little, I remember my mother saying I was going to be one of three things: a teacher, a lawyer, or a writer.   Somehow it does my heart good to think she was right on the two counts I agree with.  (Although there are days I think this parenting thing really is lawyering.  Ahem.)
Even if this book is nothing more than kindling for the fire, I will be able to say I did it once.
And that is all that matters.
And I can cross that off my list of things to do before Heaven.