* This blog in no way means to suggest that humans have evolved from primates. This is a Christian blog with the author a firm believer in God and creation. Consider this simply a humour attempt at further self-deprecation, specifically a poke at the size of my nose.

Amanda (Orchestrated Happenstance) and I share a love for the Pivot Questionnaire (best known from “Inside the Actor’s Studio”). She posted today her answers and asked readers to share theirs. I had to really give some of these questions thought, but for now, here are my responses:

What is your favorite word? Joy

What is your least favorite word? hate

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Moments of majesty or grace.

What turns you off? Ambivalence, arrogance, anything done to excess.

What is your favorite curse word? I rarely, if ever use it myself, but when someone uses the word “Bastards!” in a sarcastic tone it cracks me up every time.

What sound or noise do you love? Children laughing, a distant lawn mower, the sigh of a horse.

What sound or noise do you hate? Listening to a neighbors air conditioning compressor when you have your windows open in the summer.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Photography or perhaps writing children’s books.

What profession would you not like to do? Anything mundane or lacking any socialization. Any sort of fishing.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “Welcome home! Your mom can’t wait to give you a hug!”

And as I sit, drinking a Sprite and munching on pretzels, wondering what I will do with my evening, this is happening.

It feels impossible not to take for granted the amass of freedoms we experience each and every day of our lives as Americans.

God be with these people, these countries and this world.

There’s a reason fathers tend to teach their children how to ride a bike. LM was nearly seven and long overdue for the lesson before I realized the task would be left up to me. He didn’t request the demonstration, he was more than content with training wheels. His riding was limited by the very short sidewalk in front of our apartment. But we were moving. To a real neighborhood. Where wheels would rule. I knew it was time he learned.

We walked the bike across the street and down a block to a small playground. The basketball court had a layer of little rubber pieces over the pavement that in my mind might make for a softer landing. I talked him through the process. I reminded him that falling was part of learning. I was there to help him on and to hold on until he was ready to go it alone. I was right.there.behind.him.

To say I was ill-prepared for the emotions that followed is an understatement. I didn’t realize how much I would hurt each time he fell. I didn’t realize how much strength it would take to let go of his bike when I knew it would fall again. I wasn’t ready for the tears that soaked my cheeks. But we kept at it and I became the cheerleader I never was. LM was a trooper. He stuck with it for several nights slowly getting the idea and gradually making progress. I remember saying over and over to him, “Jacob, when you get this, when you go all on your own on your bike, you will feel like you are flying!” and I knew he would feel that flight in the depths of his soul. And when, at long last, his bike found its way to the opposite corner of the court while I stood back and watched and cheered and cried, his face lit up like something I had never seen. I knew immediately what the expression was: Accomplishment.

A week ago, I rode on the back of the pontoon boat as my brother floated in the water explaining to LM how to get on the knee board and how it would feel when the boat pulled him. I worried and fretted as I watched that short little board wiggle under his weight and I was nervous that the first fall would end his desire to learn. It was really only the second try when he did it, and the boat cruised around the cove with LM smiling as wide as the lake. Sitting next to G’ma Judy, we both cried. I cried again a few days later when he did the whole process all by himself, without his uncle holding onto the board to get him started, having to pull himself up as the boat tugged him behind and to get the strap up over his knees while still holding the tow rope and balancing on the board. My tears are not for a sadness over a new-found independence. I don’t cry because he is growing up and growing away. I cry because so far, I haven’t messed it up. That allowing a village to raise our children makes them better people than we could raise alone. That a week ago, just like three summers ago, my son felt the pride of a new accomplishment. He did it. And I thank God that was there to witness.

I am reminded of what a crime it is to underestimate our children. I am so grateful to my brother for even thinking about teaching the kids about a knee board, something that would never have crossed my mind. And LM taught me, again, what it feels like to let go, little by little, as our children learn to fly with their own wings.

He will be gone for 8 weeks before I’ll see him again. I miss him more than I have words to describe. But I can close my eyes and hear him holler, “I did it!” under the sunshine on the lake and I know that I am doing the right thing. So far.

I am not a caffeine drinker. I used to be. I used to drink Mt. Dew while watching Johnny Carson (yes, I’m that old) and fall asleep immediately after. Then I graduated from college and entered the real world where caffeine actually has an effect on my body and I can no longer sleep after consumption. I occasionally forget while dining out that the soda at a restaurant contains caffeine and it will be 4am when I am still awake in bed before I remember the reason for my insomnia.

Last weekend, however, I drove 11 hours to TN to visit my family. This drive required my entire cd collection, the laptop for LM’s amusement and copious amounts of Diet Mt. Dew to keep me from taking a little siesta during the drive. My visit was a short one, so I saw no need to force my family to suffer through my withdrawal, so I continued to consume Mt. Dew as if it were not available in Pennsylvania during my stay. On my return trip home, having barely slept the night before and driving without any companions to help keep me alert, I relied upon three 20-ounce bottles of Diet Dew to carry me through the trip.

I had one caffeinated Diet Coke upon my return to work on Wednesday morning and then cut myself off cold turkey to deal with the withdrawal and just get it over with. By Friday mid-day I had a raging headache that would not succumb to the medicinal effects of Advil. By Saturday I lay listlessly on my couch begging the throbbing to please stop now promising a life of atonement. By Sunday pup and I were out to the Bark Park and I was back to feverishly cleaning the condo (four trash bags left my home last evening. Four. Translation: LM’s closet has been cleaned.)

I am now on the other side of addiction and have only this to report: How in the world do smokers/drug addicts/alcoholics/etc. cope?!

This is the dreaded expander. We are officially done turning the top (the space we generated was about 3/4 of an inch wide. YOWZA!) The bottom one needs about nine more turns but those are only once a week and LM says they don’t bother him a bit, so it looks like we’re home free on this one!

For those who participated in the Annual Family Vacation in Tennessee this year, here’s a quick recap quiz to make sure you were paying attention. For those who weren’t there, well, ya missed out!!

1. On the 11 hour drive down, LM and Amy saw something in the sky they couldn’t immediately identify. What was it?
a. Hang glider
b. Helicopter
c. MetLife Blimp
d. Hot air balloon

2. What 5 states do Amy and LM pass through to get from their house to Papa’s?
a. Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, Tennessee
b. Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee
c. Pennsylvania, Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, Tennessee
d. Pennsylvania, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, Tennessee

3. Throughout the weekend, Amy’s sister declared that despite being the eldest in the family, she was NOT:
a. In charge of disciplining the children
b. Making decisions
c. Cooking
d. Doing Laundry

4. When asked what the plan was for the day, George said the family was going to:
a. Go boating, golfing and then eat cake.
b. Go swimming, shoot pool and order pizza.
c. Drive the lawn tractor, play baseball and have ice cream
d. Catch butterflies, play and eat blood.

5. On LM’s first publication of the Daily News, the dinner menu included “MM”. What did the MM stand for?
a. M&M’s
b. Mystery Meat
c. Marinated Monkeys
d. Mom’s Mess

6. Uncle G scored major points with the kids by:
a. Teaching them how to knee board.
b. Giving them each $10.
c. Telling them they could stay up past 11
d. Doing their summer homework for them.

7. AWTAA stands for:
a. Amy’s Wicked Tea (with Absolute and Apricot)
b. Another Weird Technique for Annoying Amy
c. American Washer Throwers Association of America
d. A Wet Towel Armors All

8. When told he had to eat the salad he put on his plate even though he disliked the dressing it came with, LM:
a. Gagged and ended up choking on lettuce.
b. Ate three bites and threw up.
c. Put the lettuce in paper towels and tried to wash off the dressing.
d. Cried.

9. The funniest joke Bear told involved:
a. Beer
b. A blonde
c. A priest, a rabbi and a nun
d. A man (and his horse)

10. The most shocking truth about the trip is:
a. We’re all still alive after driving the hour long boat ride in the dark.
b. George’s arm did not fall off after making no less than 2008 armpit farts.
c. Papa played poker.
d. LM, Jules and G’ma J don’t suck at the various games they all played.
e. All of the Above

Answers:
1. c. But it took quite awhile to figure out it was in fact a blimp because it was not circling, it was traveling in the same direction we were, thus all we saw was the “butt of the blimp”.
2. d. Strange, but true, when you pass through south central PA, you actually pass through that funky arm of Maryland and a little protruding part of West Virginia and then enter into Virginia all within 30 miles.
3. b. Therefore a qualifier is in place for all happenings since “Youngest” and “Middle” were thereby left in charge. Oh my.
4. d. And I believe it was moth blood to be exact. Oh to be 5.
5. b. It was yet undecided what dinner would be at the time of publication.
6. a. While I will never forget the look of accomplishment on LM and Little Bird’s faces, I am certain I have grey hair from watching the process.
7. c. And if you don’t know the game of ‘washers’ you’re just not redneck enough to roll with my fam.
8. c. Ingenious, you must admit.
9. d. And it was an ‘in the moment’ sort of joke that may never be as funny again.
10. e. Emphatically. We all had a great time and can’t wait to be together again!