97.4% of People

who say they will do this before they die never do.  What is it?

On a related note:
While Flash/LM was at youth group last week I pulled up a stool at Bennigan’s and had some dinner (what?!  I had just donated blood and rushed to get him and a friend to youth group.  I was starving!) While I ate, I pulled out a printed copy of my NaNoWriMo text and was editing.
The woman sitting a few stools away from me (why oh why couldn’t this have been a really cute guy in his early 40’s with dark eyes and…oh, wait, back to the point) she says to me, “Did you write a book?”
And I replied, “Yes.  I did.”
And I swear I floated all the way home that night.
(You got the percentage question, right?  I heard it on the radio this morning on my drive to work.  It was one of those get these five questions right and we’ll fly you to somewhere you never wanted to go anyway contests.   I didn’t call in, so I certainly didn’t win, but I was still screaming in my car when they announced that 97.4% of all people that say they want to write a book before they die never do.  I did!!  I checked it off my list!!!)

Name Change

For the record, LM will henceforth be referred to (fondly) as “Flash”.  I will even, upon occasion, single a little theme song for him much to the likes of the Flash Gordon song.

Why?  you ask?  Because his head and his body are no longer on speaking terms.
As just an example, I give you today’s evidence:
This morning, at church, we were watching the Children’s Christmas program (which was the best and most adorable one I’ve ever seen) and I quietly pointed out to LM in the bulletin that one of the boys in the cast, one that was particularly funny, was one of the pastor’s sons.  I pointed to his name and then pointed to the pastor’s name further in the program.  Flash whispered to me, “Pastor B’s last name is Smith?”  My response?  “We call you Flash.”
On the way home, he heard Piano Man on the radio for the second time.  He fell in love with the song the first time through and had mentioned he would like to buy it on itunes.  I told him I owned it (or thought I did.  I told him I was certain one of his parents owned it, I  just wasn’t sure which one got it in the divorce).  When we arrived home, he quickly ran to the stereo to get it tuned to that same station to hear the end of the song.  I walked over and browsed the CD collection not one foot in front of my child.  I said, “I don’t see it.  I know it’s a double disk set.  Your dad must have it.  But I know that one of the two of us owns it, so don’t buy it.”  I walked over and sat on the couch.   The boy turned to me and said, “Hey Mom?  Weren’t you going to look for that CD with Piano Man on it?”   Flash, Ahhhhhhaaaaaaa!
After much prodding and coaxing (it all comes down to some very carefully place peanut butter) we finally got Eli interested in chewing a bone that I bought him over Thanksgiving.  Knowing he would love it once he got the hang of it, I was thrilled to see him finally eating away but became concerned when he had been at it for more than an hour.  I had visions of rawhide coming back up later.  “We need to get the rest of that bone away from him before he eats the whole thing in one sitting,” I said to LM.  “I’ll tell you what, you take him outside and while he’s gone, I’ll put the rest of the bone up in the cabinet for another night.”  LM got the leash and took Eli outside while I picked up the soggy remains of the bone and tucked them away for another night.  When Eli came back inside and began looking for his precious bone, LM turned to me and said, “Did he really eat that whole thing already?”    
It’s a daily experience with LM that has brought us to Flash status.  And it’s been going on long and often enough that he’ll now even stop and look at me in a moment of clarity and say, “I know, don’t even say it” realizing he’s just had another Flash moment.  
To his credit, however, I’ve had my moments, too.  I pulled into a parking spot tonight and in an effort to avoid stepping right into huge puddles when I opened my door, I pulled further forward than I might have otherwise.  It was only when I got out of the car, gloating slightly for my thoughtfulness that had thus far kept my feet dry, that I realized everything I needed was in the trunk, which was now directly over the huge puddle I had been trying to avoid all along.  I could do little more than to look at LM and say, “That’s where you get it from originally, Flash.  They just call me, the Mother of Flash.”

LM’s computer, the only computer we’ve had in this house for very nearly a year, is ancient and tired.  It takes no less than 40 minutes to completely boot and might take longer yet if you want to utilize messenger or check email.  It’s a lesson in patience each and every time you wish to turn it on and I have more than once threatened its very existence with a sledge hammer only to be stopped by the gentle but honest reminder from LM that “this is all we’ve got.”

We have a standing joke in this house.  As the ancient beast boots, it will often display a balloon advising us that the flash drive, memory card, printer or other device plugged into the USB port “could perform faster” if only it were plugged into a faster USB port.  
We find this little balloon to be the comic relief in all of the boot up agony.  Of course this device could perform faster.  Duh.  So I find it necessary to revise the latter part of the balloon statement at each start up.  Anything, everything would be faster than the computer we’re using.  
“This device could perform faster….”
“…. if only it were plugged into an iceburg.”
“…. if only it were plugged into a rock.”
“…if only it were plugged into a coffee table.”
“….if only it were dropped into the ocean and left to rot for ten years.”
and so forth.
It’s this small little attempt at humor that truly keeps us sane and prevents us from bashing our heads into this tiny keyboard each and every time we wish to use this machine.
Today, LM told me he’s actually hoping to get a faster USB port for Christmas.  I found this fascinating.  “Isn’t that like putting chrome tires  on a pinto?” I asked.  After explaining what a Pinto was, he suggested in might just be that futile indeed, but he thought it was worth a shot.  
I laughed and said I wondered if it would perform faster if it was plugged into a Crystal Skull.  (Another running joke:  when we watched Indiana Jones (which I do NOT recommend at all. Indiana Jones and aliens do NOT belong in the same movie) he saw the crystal skull and said, “Man, I do NOT want that thing for Christmas, it’s kind of creepy with it’s glowing eyes.”  And so, of course, ever since, I’ve done nothing else but tease that he is getting one for Christmas.)
I do wish I could be there when he opens his Christmas gift with his dad to find a new laptop.
But I will be here on Friday when we open MINE together.
FIVE MORE DAYS people.  FIVE MORE DAYS.

Oh Pot? This is Kettle Speaking, I'd Like a Word?

I have no instruction manual and I have no clear plan for the forage through the next few years of parenting, however, tonight I did have a slight moment when we witnessed a brief but perhaps effective teaching moment.  

Tonight, LM tried to help an attention-deficient first grader with his homework.  And I heard him say, “G?  Focus!!!  We need to get this done!”
And when I called them out to dinner, I asked how it was going and LM said, “It would be going just fine if G would focus and work on it!” with complete exasperation.  And I paused long enough for LM to notice, and I stood with a Cheshire Grin on my face and I said, “I’m sorry, Pot.  Perhaps you have not yet been introduced.  This here is Kettle.”
LM was not at all amused with me, but when we spoke about it later in private, and I pointed out how badly he had wanted G to just finish up his word list so they could go back to playing PS2, he said he could sort of see how frustrating it was for me.
Sort of.
Hey, I’ll take a ‘sort of’.  Especially from a very black pot indeed.

The Downside of Single Parenting

We’ve spent weeks, nay months, fighting in the same circle.  It has been an ongoing, consistent battle that has taken place nearly every weekend and sometimes even during the week.

I thought it was LM’s homework load, something he’s unaccustomed to having.  It’s all from his gifted class, the one that meets once a week.  I attributed it to poor planning, lack of focus, no organization.
We fought the battles one by one.  I gave suggestions, I demonstrated.  I helped, I pushed, I even lectured and yelled.  And nothing changed.
Many nights and all these weekends I would wait.  Wait for LM to finish his homework.  Wait for LM to tackle another essay, edit a journal entry, define his vocabulary.  And every weekend I was frustrated. 
Last weekend I quit waiting.  My frustration had reached an all-time high and I was completely out of lectures in my Mom File.  I left the house.  I went out for a few hours in the afternoon and entertained myself, leaving him on his own to finish his work.  I thought maybe if he realized he was missing out and that I wasn’t going to wait on him it would matter.
But it doesn’t.
This weekend I came to realize the true root of our disagreements.  This week, LM got nearly all of his homework done by late Friday night.  It wasn’t even until mid-morning today that I realized how close he was to being completely done.  And so we sat and talked about what we could do.  I was excited, I was eager, I was ready to go do something!!!
We talked about ice skating, bowling, a movie!  Any shopping he had left to do? How about the bookstore?  Maybe we could just play some games?  Monopoly?  Yahtzee?  Poker?  
He nodded and thought and hummed and pondered and I finally said, “You decide!!  I’m going to go take a shower!”
And when I came back, he still had no idea.  So I changed my clothes and dried my hair.  And still, he just wasn’t so sure.  And when I had vacuumed the house, finished the dishes and cleaned a cupboard full of ants, I found him in his room reading.  And I asked, “LM?  Isn’t there anything you really want to do today now that we finally have some time together?”  And it was his reply that turned the lightbulb on.  “Actually, Mom, I’d really just like to read my book.”
And I realized that’s been it all along.  He hasn’t cracked down and focused hard on getting his work done because he isn’t dying to do something else.  He’s not wishing for time to play games or go out.  He’s not missing out on anything when I go.  The truth of the matter is, he’s really quite content just staying put and reading.
The trouble is, his mother isn’t.

Once Again

It’s that time of year again.  The time when you look forward to an evening of holiday music, festive cheer and a sense of togetherness and community.  Unfortunately, none of those things are to be found at LM’s Holiday Christmas Concert.

I posted about his concert a year ago.   I took witnesses to his spring concert to prove I wasn’t kidding.  The third time around was as entertaining (in a sad, sorry sort of way) as the first two.  I’ll recap the evening for those of you fortunate enough to have missed it.
On the way to the concert, LM and I joked about what was to be expected.  He was holding out hope that the choir will have greatly improved since there’s a new director in place.  We both wondered how many students will be in the orchestra.  I admitted it would have been difficult to have encouraged my orchestral child after hearing last year’s dismal performance.
When we arrive, I’m disappointed to find the program lists only the songs to be performed and not the students’ names.   I have barely gotten comfortable in my seat, however, when I realize the reason for this is obvious.  The orchestra director was on stage setting up music stands for his group and he has only set up four stands in front of the eight chairs in the front row.  
I was even more discouraged when I saw only four violinists and three bass players come on the stage.  I was about to receive further bad news, however, when the director announced his group of students and welcomed the THREE high school bass players that were there to “help out” the orchestra.  Orchestra?  Four violins does not an orchestra make.  That’s a string quartet for crying out loud.  Let’s just face it, this man has an awfully cushy job of directing a small string ensemble at best.  And yet he calls himself the “Director of Orchestra”.  His words, not mine. 
 
The Middle School Orchestra String Ensemble Beginning Violin Class

With baited breath I hoped that the smaller numbers (and by smaller, I must note that last year there were no more than a dozen in the orchestra) there has been perhaps more attention given to each student.  Perhaps the music will be that much more involved.  But alas, another disappointment.  The same tunes quite nearly as last year.  Fiddles on Fire followed by Fumbling Fingers and I’d have to say it all sounded like someone was fumbling around in a fire indeed.  
In all honesty, I really feel for these students.  These are sixth through eighth graders, which means some of them have been in this orchestra, ensemble, string quartet for two years already.  To still be playing beginner music must be incredibly discouraging indeed. 
After the three songs by the orchestra, the choir came on the stage.  The director took quite some time to set up a couple of music stands.  One on either side of the group (later it became clear these were for the benefit of the soloists, although only one of the stands actually held any music).  He also set up a music stand right in the front middle of the whole group, proceeded to turn it around backwards and hung huge sheets of paper over it with the lyrics to each song handwritten for the choir to see. 
There was still no harmony, although I will admit, there was a slight moment of a brief two-part vocal in one song.  The soloists had microphones in front of them, but apparently no one saw fit to make sure they were on or working, so it was impossible to hear the timid voices.  I was fortunate, however.  There was a mother and high school-aged daughter sitting right behind me and the daughter not only knew the words to each of the songs the choir performed (and to think, she didn’t even have the advantage of the lyric sheets within her view!) but she also chose to sing them loud enough for me to hear above the choir.  (Note: the mother did make over a dozen attempts to shush her child, but apparently her daughter is deaf as she did not hear a single protest on her mother’s part.)   Lucky me, I was saved the agony of actually listening to the choir by this very courteous student behind me.
The same antics were in play this year for the choir as last.  We had a bizarre fashion ensemble going.  From jeans and sneakers to well, jeans and open-toed high heeled shoes (mind you, there’s snow on the ground and we walked in to the concert in freezing rain).  
Weather Report: Heat wave hits Southwest Michigan.  Dress for summer!

There were still the students that stood with arms folded and rolling eyes for the duration of the concert as though they were forced to be there instead of participating in an elective class.
  
I AM happy to be here.  I AM happy to be here.  I AM happy to be here.

When at last the choir ended their performance (with none other than a rousing sing-a-long rendition of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas is You”, a song no holiday concert is complete without) I was relieved to see LM’s band director take the stage and take control.
The band set up, moving drums, setting up stands and getting prepared for their portion of the evening.  As the director started to prepare the students to tune their instruments, a group in the audience choreographed a unison shout out of “Go Willa!” followed almost immediately by another group shouting support to another band member and so on as if in competition of one another.  LM’s band director took the microphone and immediately kaboshed the activity.  I nearly applauded the man right then and there.
Finally, a voice of authority and respect!

LM’s band, again, was wonderful. They performed not only with talent and discipline, but with class.  His director pushes them and holds them to a higher standard and it shows.  I was impressed and very pleased.  
The Middle School Concert Band

Afterwards, I took the time to talk with his director, as I always do, and to thank him again, for such a wonderful portion of the evening.  We talked about LM and how he’s had two more years of band than any of the students in the group now (his elementary school in PA started band in fourth grade, here they didn’t get instruments until sixth) and his director and I talked about getting LM into private lessons to keep him challenged.  He also mentioned the possibility of working LM in to some of the high school performances (I won’t create a false impression here, the high school band he directs is maybe twenty members at most.  LM’s director’s greatest hope is that LM will attend that high school in town).  
LM, First Trumpet

Knowing now that I need only to wait for the band and I will be impressed, I was able to sit through this concert with far less anxiety than the first.  LM is doing a great job leading the band as first trumpet and his director really expects LM to be a strong leader and to play well.  I’m glad there is someone at LM’s school who holds him accountable, even if he’s not able to provide a challenging enough environment to keep LM learning.  
LM and one of his best friends, D, both squinting through the stage lights trying to locate their mothers. 

We went for ice cream afterwards and laughed about the concert.  I was telling LM about one of the girls in the choir and her ongoing antics when he confessed that was the girl that had asked him to the dance in sixth grade.  I was suddenly very pleased that he had not gone with her then!  
There will be another concert in the spring and LM is already looking forward to performing a Phantom of the Opera medley then.  Me?  I’m looking forward in particular to the string duet.

Speaking of Twelve

Is there an instruction manual for this year?  Remember those 19 copies of “What to Expect When…” books we all got when we were preggers?  Is there one for twelve?  Just a basic survival guide for this year?  

Cause man, we’re NOT having such a good year.
I won’t itemize the list of recent frustrations, it would take way too long.  And yes, I remember twelve as being a not-so-good year for me either but it didn’t seem like it was always the SAME EXACT ISSUE just a new week.  Maybe I’m wrong.  
The gifted class acronym is starting to be a cuss word in our house.  LM just can’t get his mind around planning ahead or really making sure of something or even getting himself sort of organized.  I emailed his teacher tonight because the grading system leaves me wondering if my kid is doing okay or if we were crazy to admit him to this program to begin with.  Her comments reassure me that he’s doing fine, but one in particular, namely, “Jacob is a very fine writer with certain idiosyncracies – that’s normal although his are very particular!”  leaves me wondering.  Is that a compliment?  Is that supposed to leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling? 
Anyway.   If someone out there has a twelve year old, or perhaps an older child and they can share survival stories, help me out.  If you don’t have a manual I can borrow, can we at least try for a two-fer deal on ebay?  
PULEEZE?!?!! 

Twelve

I have a hard time believing my own child is twelve, but Birdy?  How can that be?  I remember waiting for the call, knowing my sister was in labor, waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to call and say Birdy had been born.  I remember talking with my dad and he said, “It’s okay, Amy, I just saw a cardinal out on the tree”  I know it won’t mean anything to someone who isn’t in my family, but to us, that means Mom is there, and if Mom is there, everything is going to be okay.  And it was.  Birdy was born and she was beautiful and amazing and so tiny!!!

And now she’s twelve.  My niece is twelve.  I cannot believe it.
The snow might be flying and the roads might be slick but that wasn’t going to stop us from seeing Birdy on her birthday.  I’d have lots of great pics but I put the boy in charge of the camera and that means we have two that aren’t blurry and one that shows her face.
Happy Birthday Birdy!!!  We love you!!

Jules

She wasn’t excited about her birthday.  I can understand that.  A sentiment of inverse proportions.  As the numbers increase it seems as though the enthusiasm for the day decreases.  It’s easy to see why, on George’s birthday, he brought treats to school, got to be the Star of the Week in class, wore a crown and got to have a guest eat lunch with him.  He had a party with a whole mess of his closest friends and relatives and had cupcakes that turned his mouth blue.  My sister?  Spent her day working, dealing with work related problems that were frustrating and time consuming.  Had to come to school to calm a panicked child (George was afraid he was going to miss all her birthday excitement by going to a friend’s party tonight).    It’s no fun turning 29 for the 10th time, is it, Jules?

But in fact, it was.  We went to dinner (minus George who was busy – and happy – playing laser tag) and we ate cake (1/5 my sister’s favorite, 4/5 a flavor the rest of us could stomach).  She opened gifts once George returned home and we even sang to her (complete with “cha-cha-cha’s).  
Minus the crown, I’d say she had a splendid day.
I hope the rest of her 39th year is splendid as well.
Happy Birthday, Jules!!!

Black Friday

I’ve never done it before.  I kind of hope I’ll never do it again.  But my brother was exactly right (and I do NOT say that often, so take note, write it down, make a record) he said, “You will come away from Black Friday thinking I am NEVER going to do that again, and then hours later, when you’ve recuperated, you’ll feel elation at what you accomplished.

The Plan: go to Best Buy, camp out, spend the night in the cold in the parking lot (ohhhh to live in Arizona for this occasion) and to walk away with a lap top or two.  (Background: I desperately need a new computer for me.  LM and I are sharing his ancient piece of, well, I’m reluctant to even call it technology.  I’ve been without my own for nearly a year now and it’s wearing on us both.  To boot, LM’s other half of his family pooled together funds and had the budget if I could perhaps get a good deal.)  Back to the story, I had planned to arrive at Best Buy around 10 Thursday night, but I was unable to nap and decided I would head over earlier and sit in the parking lot. 
When I arrived, there were no less than 15 tents already up and more than 40 people in line already waiting.  I was stunned.  A woman in front of me told me the story from last year, that the people at the front (generally thought to be local college students) had gotten as many tickets as possible for every item and then sold them for $50 to people further back in the line).  I was discouraged.  I called my brother.  He immediately referred to the spreadsheet they had put together for this exact purpose and guided me to Office Depot instead, telling me about my options there.
I was the second person to arrive at O.D.  The short of the story is that I did stay all night, but was able to stay in my car until 5am as I was with very courteous people and none of us wanted to freeze.  At 5:45 I was given two tickets, one for each of the laptops I wanted and I went with glee back to my car to warm up until the store opened 15 minutes later.  
I was back home, had the dog out and back in and was in bed by 6:30 am.  I was exhausted.  Never, even in my college days, did I ever pull an all-nighter and I had my doubts at 4am that I was going to be able to pull this one off, but when I collapsed into bed, I did feel a slight bit of elation despite my exhaustion and severe headache.
It really wasn’t until Saturday when it all sank in.  I called my dad (about to board a cruise ship for back to back Caribbean cruises – oh, to retire like my dad and second mom) and thanked him profusely.  His Christmas money for me, plus his support and encouragement, had made this possible.  I had, in my possession, a new computer.  And, with his father’s help, I had a Christmas gift for LM that was beyond his wildest dreams.
I don’t encourage shopping on a holiday and I hate the materialistic side of Christmas, but I must admit, I am simply giddy over several gifts that I am giving this year and the joy that they will bring to their recipients.   And I am thrilled about a box under the tree with my name on it that will allow me to pursue more of the things I love at my leisure.  
Now, to just wait until Christmas to open it….
OH, and LM doesn’t know about any of it.  So, he will first have the surprise of the new home computer and later will have the added HUGE bonus of one for himself.   Does this get any better?